Friday, December 03, 2010

love notes.

In 1991, life hit in a way that I didn't know could happen to me. Why is it that we are never prepared? We always think it will "happen" to someone else.

I was deathly sick with morning/afternoon/night sickness with my 6th child. It was so bad I wore a TENS unit. At 10 weeks I had an ultrasound and also, my mother had been admitted to a university hospital, recovering from lack of oxygen as her organs were shutting down. She was in ICU for 7 weeks and never recovered. So, with severe nausea and fatigue, I managed some trips to the hospital which was 2 hours+ away.

At my 3rd month check-up, the doctor could not find a heartbeat. An u/s later that day revealed the baby had died. A week later, my mother died. I carried the baby for 2 weeks before miscarrying.

Life was hard. Too hard.

Yet, God is always with us. People get mad at God like He could do something about our situations. The way I look at it, we live in a broken world.  Tires go flat and we get the flu. We accept the fact that there's lots of maintaining in this world we live in. It's like it has to play out the ways its going to play out. Not that we cannot hope, ask, and believe.. but we have to accept what we cannot change or what is out of our control.

How do I know God is with us? Well, there are always these little personal love notes He sends at just the right time.

Going into Christmas that year was very difficult. I had 5 children, ages 2-10 at the time. I remember walking into a department store and in the Christmas aisle were little figurines to decorate the tree ... children figurines. And guess what I found? One that depicted each child perfectly!

A 10 year old looking boy throwing a snowball. Yup, that would be my oldest!

An 8 year old boy carrying a stack of wood. That fit number 2 son to a "T".

A 6 year old boy with a charming smile, holding a wreath. Perfect.

A little girl kneeling in the snow feeding a carrot to a rabbit. Nice.

And a toddler on a bicycle. Adorable.

It may not have meant anything to anyone else but it was just right for me to purchase these. Almost 20 years later, these are taken out of a safe place and placed on our Christmas tree. Added over the years I found 3 more representing the next 3 children.

I don't know what life holds for you but stuff happens. Just know that God is with you in the mom stuff.

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