KID Find!

My 9 year old son and I watched this today:

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This is the 1974 movie rendition of a children's novel written by Wilson Rawls. It is about a boy who raises two coon hound hunting dogs during the 1930's in the Ozark Mountains.

There is a wealth of character development here for a young boy. I especially enjoyed watching the father guide his son into manhood.

Additionally, it is a good movie to prepare young children for the sorrow in life, yet, provides hope in the midst of it. The two coon dogs meet a mountain lion and both dogs die. When the family moves, the boy is discovered at the graves of his beloved dogs, saying good-bye. He notices a red fern growing between the dog's graves. According to Indian legend, only an angel can plant a red fern and wherever it grows is sacred. With this sign, Billy is finally able to recover from his loss.

It reminded me of how there is always a glimmer of hope no matter how bad life gets. I like that concept being passed along to my children.

We will read the book in a couple of years but head's up: Walmart has the 1974 version of the DVD for 5 bucks. There have been a few remakes since then.

By George, I think she's got it!

This mom of 9 children (with 2 sets of twins!) has done a wonderful job of what this site is all about. I don't know if she reads Mom Stuff, and I certainly don't take any credit. I'm just thrilled that she's "got it".

It's too easy to copy someone else and even covet who they are. That leads to discouragement and it spills out in how we mother.

Learn from each other, depend on each other ... but for goodness' sakes, be who God designed you to be and know that He did it for a reason!

enterprising.

(an entry for the Prosperous Writer Prompt)

I suspect many writers are introverts. They gain their energy from within themselves: thinking, reflecting, and writing. That said, I wonder if the caution and lack of ambition for some writers is simply because it is not a natural part of their personality? It may take some learned extroverted personality traits to be enterprising.

If in order to become enterprising, it requires undertaking a project that will change you and cause you to grow, my suggestion is finding a writer friend that is more extroverted. He or she will be naturally enthusiastic, encouraging, and a great nudge!

Additionally, the introverted writer has to believe in him/herself. Outside circumstances cannot be the final say in success. There will be wins and losses. A writer has to weather the rejections, losses, disappointments ... and keep going ... not spiral down into themselves. The creative energy within has to be projected beyond inner thoughts to think big! Yup. These writers need their imagination to go beyond the written page and into the future of possibility.

Writers have to stop saying almost apologetically, "I'm just a writer", like a mom may say, "Oh, I'm a stay-at-home mom".  Enterprising will come when the writer treats his or her craft as valuable. They will then progress to making a living at it.

ta-da!

I took my own advice...

and went out into the snow to play...

so I made a snowman while my son worked on an igloo...

the plowed up snow made a great base...

1 1/2 hours later... ta-da!

I feel accomplished.

there is an end in sight!

Don't get me wrong. I am not promoting hurrying through the days of mothering young children so you can be free from the work. But there are seasons and you will get to a place when it slows down. Once a mom always a mom. It just changes.

That said, it's wonderful when they are grown up and want a Super Bowl party! The house gets clean without you asking! The food gets bought and prepared!

Me? I'm just sitting here with my laptop, my feet up on the heat register, watching it all.

Wooo hooo!

to be or not to be.

Some moms are so efficient that every "i" is dotted and every "t" is crossed. At the end of the day they feel a sense of accomplishment.

Some moms are less efficient and more time is spent finding that misplaced "i" and "t".

And some moms didn't even know there was an "i" or "t".

We come in quite an array of colors, shapes, and sizes don't we? There is no one-size-fits-all.

Don't spend time trying to be someone else. We can get ideas from each other and implement tried and true methods. But in the end, do you have your child's heart?

I started out as an i-dotter and a t-crosser. Somewhere into 5-6 kids it broke in me. It didn't crush me since I am who I am and God wired me this way. What broke was the incessant need and burden I placed upon myself to be perfect. What your kids do cannot be more important than who they are.

Routines, order, and structure is good. But so is chilling when a day or two goes by and there are undone chores.

(I cannot speak to moms who are on the other end of the scale but feel free to comment here on your struggle and/or success in finding balance)

In the end, I think we place upon ourselves more than God does.

If flexibility isn't your thing and you can't remember the last time you laughed, then MAKE yourself go outside today and play in the snow with your kids!

If you are too flexible and find you are easily distracted, then MAKE yourself get that laundry done!

Bottom line, you are the right mother for your children. You know what is best for them. But don't be afraid of some tweaking.  : )

KID Find!

   

The Ingri and Edgar d'Aulaire books are treasures for the K-6th grade crowd. They were published in the 1930's and are not tainted with political correctness. The illustrations are well done and they are all around a good set of books to purchase. With President's Day coming soon, a good read is George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.

getting back on track.

On the perfectionist scale, I used to be a 9. Bringing this into mothering ... well, it had to go. It didn't go over night but in time, I whittled it down to about a 4.

Our strength is our weakness and perfectionism can be beneficial. People like us not only are dependable but we are thorough. The fault is that we can be too hard on ourselves and the people around us. Know this non-perfectionists: we are harder on ourselves!

Having 8 kids brought balance. When #2 came along, despite his extremely calm demeanor as a baby, it did me in. I couldn't keep everything going perfectly so some things had to go. By the time #3 came along, it was much better.

Yet, it was a process. I remember turning a monumental corner in 1996 after baby #7 came along, and with 5 in school. I threw out my homeschool planner. I had found myself spending far too much time writing in it. When I stopped, I found I was much calmer and happier. There were only so many hours in a day and an hour back then was precious.

I still have perfectionist tendencies, but they have been tempered by the "school of hard knocks". I'm still learning, but my outlook on life is much more pleasant. Perfectionism and worry usually go hand in hand and when you realize that much of life is not in your control, you relax.

How do you stop perfectionism? Like anything else in life. You walk through your daily life, take it as it comes, and grow through it.

professionalism.

This is a side note that applies to me personally but applies to moms, too, so it fits here! (which I accidentally posted on the blog it is intended for instead of linking here - sorry)

I've been a full-time mother/homemaker of 8 kids and homeschooling for 25 years (3 still at home). As much as I value my role as said mother/homemaker, I still feel like I'm in the shadow (howbeit not as large and looming as it was) of the "professionals". Mainly, because when I am done, there is no monetary reward. Money cannot buy what I have invested in the lives of my kids but the fact remains: there ain't no retirement check!

I have had one article recently published and received payment. I am a contributing author (now that word took some getting used to) to 2 e-magazines. I soon realized it was time to become more confident in defining myself or I wasn't going to get very far.

I've got to believe in me. I've got to believe in my writing. After gaining ground here, and getting paid for my writing, then I can be more comfortable in calling myself a professional.

Point being, there are changes that occur when your children grow up. You may have put some things aside in order to be available to your children. Or, like me, you discover new things about yourself. Whatever it looks like, be assured that how you define yourself will show. Whether it is being an author, artist, musician, volunteer, seamstress ... the list is unlimited ... being confident in your craft and who you are will speak professionalism. Consumers are looking for polished, top-notch products and everyone of us has it in us to produce it.

a new day.

The New Year brings reflection of what was and anticipation (or dread) of what will be. As New Year's Resolutions prove, we are good at becoming overwhelmed by seeing too far ahead.

Then make it simpler. Not a new year but a new day.

The world operates the same day in and day out. The sun rises and it sets. It's predictable. There's truth to the adage, "the sun will come out tomorrow".

It's okay to get off track. Just get back on and pick up where you left off. You are not perfect. You are not indispensable. Does the sun need your assistance? I didn't think so!

Today is a new day. How will you live it?

joy to the world.

photo credit: Arnold Friberg

'tis the season.

Seasons come and go. Some are full of happiness and excitement when all is well. Some are full of sorrow and disappointment when all is not well.

I've seen lots of seasons and have learned to accept them as they come along. It's the stuff life is made of.

Yet, there is hope. We don't live in hopelessness. The sun rises every morning even when its cloudy and we can't see it. Without hope, the Bible tells us the heart is sick. There is nothing worse than living without hope.

Life can bring about some tough stuff. I haven't written in awhile because I have been dealing with some tough stuff and I have been needed as a mom. There have been moments when I cannot take hearing about one more person's hurting heart. But then I remember about hope.

Hope means that something good might come of this predicament we are in. It means that despite being kinda stuck in the world with all its moth-eaten and rust-corroded problems that leave us doing the same things everyday to keep on going is that God loves us so much He keeps placing sure footing in front of us -- even when we've screwed up. Hard to resist that kind of love.

There is an old song that says, "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow". Whether you are a church goer or not, it is as sure as gravity. We don't see gravity but we see the affects of it. We don't see God but we see the affects of Him. The Master Designer created this world and all that is in it. Certainly, He knows all things. He sees the end from the beginning. Something.. someone bigger than us has the final say. And if you give up now, you just don't know what could happen tomorrow. Yeah, it could get worse, but it could get better.

One thing I've noted about the seasons in life is that there is a beginning and end. Nature speaks of this and it is applicable to our lives in a personal way.

The Christmas season is here and it's always a time for warm feelings as we gather with family and friends. In the midst of my sadness, there is the sparkle in my 9 year old's eyes that make me remember that life is worth living. Intermingled with the bad stuff there's some real good stuff, too. Look for it.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, the sun always comes out tomorrow. And if you're hurting, or your child is hurting, "Merry Christmas" is not for you. But knowing that God redeemed us when He sent Jesus, a baby who was predestined for death, wrapped in swaddling (grave) cloths with gifts of ointments (used for burial), there is reason to be at peace. There's even joy. Because when you trust God you relax. So much is out of our control.  The choices of others to be exact. And when we know God is with us, well, we have joy. Happiness is temporary. Joy is constant.

To every thing, there is a season. There's a beginning and a middle. But there is an end!

the wonder of christmas.

I bought this almost 20 years ago. Advent calendars (this one has ornaments that have the names of God with correlating information on His names) are a simple yet powerful way to keep Christ in Christmas. The ornaments are durable and each day we read the name of God and its history before placing the ornament on the tree.

One thing, though! When I looked this up online it came up on Amazon. It's out of print and ... sells for $200 and $100!

So, you may not want to purchase this particular one but look for it at yard sales. It's a keeper for the content ... but it's also valuable!

love notes.

In 1991, life hit in a way that I didn't know could happen to me. Why is it that we are never prepared? We always think it will "happen" to someone else.

I was deathly sick with morning/afternoon/night sickness with my 6th child. It was so bad I wore a TENS unit. At 10 weeks I had an ultrasound and also, my mother had been admitted to a university hospital, recovering from lack of oxygen as her organs were shutting down. She was in ICU for 7 weeks and never recovered. So, with severe nausea and fatigue, I managed some trips to the hospital which was 2 hours+ away.

At my 3rd month check-up, the doctor could not find a heartbeat. An u/s later that day revealed the baby had died. A week later, my mother died. I carried the baby for 2 weeks before miscarrying.

Life was hard. Too hard.

Yet, God is always with us. People get mad at God like He could do something about our situations. The way I look at it, we live in a broken world.  Tires go flat and we get the flu. We accept the fact that there's lots of maintaining in this world we live in. It's like it has to play out the ways its going to play out. Not that we cannot hope, ask, and believe.. but we have to accept what we cannot change or what is out of our control.

How do I know God is with us? Well, there are always these little personal love notes He sends at just the right time.

Going into Christmas that year was very difficult. I had 5 children, ages 2-10 at the time. I remember walking into a department store and in the Christmas aisle were little figurines to decorate the tree ... children figurines. And guess what I found? One that depicted each child perfectly!

A 10 year old looking boy throwing a snowball. Yup, that would be my oldest!

An 8 year old boy carrying a stack of wood. That fit number 2 son to a "T".

A 6 year old boy with a charming smile, holding a wreath. Perfect.

A little girl kneeling in the snow feeding a carrot to a rabbit. Nice.

And a toddler on a bicycle. Adorable.

It may not have meant anything to anyone else but it was just right for me to purchase these. Almost 20 years later, these are taken out of a safe place and placed on our Christmas tree. Added over the years I found 3 more representing the next 3 children.

I don't know what life holds for you but stuff happens. Just know that God is with you in the mom stuff.

home is where the heart is.

Kids today have it really tough. Moms need to know that.

I don't believe there has ever been a time in history that the stress on their emotions (and ours) has been so difficult. Back in the day there was much more physical hard work that not only kept kids busy, but it was a way to cleanse their minds and lessen stress. We're wired to work and there is a reason for it. There is a feeling of fulfillment when we work. Kids today do not work. They have too much time on their hands. If they are not busy, the old adage "idle hands are the devil's workshop" applies.

Left to themselves, kids will find something to do and it often results in television and computer time which results in excess. There's an imbalance created when they are routinely fed by reality television,  defining who they are and their world view. Attitudes are imitated and brought into relationships resulting in over-the-top drama and stress.

Additionally,  the time spent on social networking, texting, instant chat/message, Facebook, Twitter ... hours and hours even into the wee hours of the morning sets them up for more imbalance.

Moms are managers of their homes and if you don't manage (not micro-manage) your kids' life they will certainly have unnecessary stress as they deal with the fall-out of excess. They are not equipped to do this alone. If mom is off doing her own thing, they are going to be left to figure it out alone. Many do not and I think it contributes to addictive behaviors, self injury, and suicide because of the rejection, bullying, and cruelty (which has been around since the beginning of time) is occurring more hours per day. That, along with more opportunities to compete in areas of appearance with the ease of digital photography and up-to-the-minute status updates exposes kids to more than kids have ever had to deal with. Without assistance, without guidance, kids left to their own will most likely not choose what is best for them.

Yet, it's not just setting boundaries. It's creating a home that is a refuge. This takes work. It doesn't just happen. It is forgoing your personal time. Yes, there is sacrifice involved and you've got it in you. I sincerely believe that kids need a safe place and what better than their home? And mom will have her eye on things, noting when something is amiss. You know your kids better than anyone. Some wear their hearts on their sleeve; others have to be drawn out. Either way, a home that is restful with a caring mother is more apt to help rather than hinder. Even if it's a strained relationship at times, the assurance of your ongoing presence in their lives is more important than they fully realize.

No one is going to notice the tear in your daughter's eye that she quickly wiped away, or the irritability that your son has lately, like you. And you have the goods to help. Even if we don't have the right words to say, our existence in the home provides stability to the instability caused by the stressful world we live in.

We all need peace from the noise. You don't have to have a perfectly run home. No one does. You just have to have a home that provides a refuge. The right words are not always going to be spoken. No every conflict will be resolved. But living in a peaceful home creates safety from the storms of life. Even if those storms are in your home at times, you can still create a refuge by setting the tone of caring, understanding, helping, and unconditional love.

thanksgiving.

My favorite people in history are the Pilgrims. I never tire of reading about them and telling my kids about them. They are examples of courage, endurance, and perseverance ... inspiring me to remember that life today has created alot of self-centered people.

What pregnant woman today would embark upon a wooden boat to travel across the ocean to an unknown land? And her baby was born on that boat.

It's imperative that we teach our children to live beyond today for the good of others and to live in a way that is larger than themselves. We may not be discovering new lands today, but we have our own personal conquests that must be claimed. Through it, we pass the baton to the next generation and teach them courage, endurance, and perseverance; all qualities that are necessary to preserve family and community.

Happy, happy Thanksgiving!

once a mom always a mom.

I have been needed with family matters and unable to write weekly.

Your children will always need guidance, even when they are adults. Tuck that in the back of your mind when you are with your little ones. Although the needs change they are always there. That's not a bad thing.

The principles I have lived by and taught my children are playing out right before my eyes. As young adults I see them building their lives on them. All the sacrifice, hard work, and tears were worth it. Because there is nothing more valuable in life than to walk in integrity no matter what happens to you.

Teach your children to choose right paths. They will be hit with storms in life ... but amidst sorrow, their heart will be strong and their mind at peace.

anchors.

Not much talk today about sacrifice. We use it when it comes to the military, past and present, who sacrificed their lives for our country. It usually begins and ends there.

But there's a whole lot of personal sacrifice going on with everyday people like you and me. It's not readily noticed because to do so would diminish the very essence and intention of it.

Mothers are in this category. You are in this category.

If you are a mother of young children, you can be assured that your anchor is in place. You may feel that there is so much to learn and that's true. But the growth is not in the development of an anchor, you've already got one. It is the anchor going deeper until it finds complete stability. One day your children will grow up and lead lives of their own, requiring choices that are not yours. There will be happy times and sad times as you watch from a distance. It's easy to be happy when everyone around you does it the way you would. Not so easy when they don't. Especially if it's your kids.

Whether we realize it or not, being anchored, anchors them. We have spent 18 years advising, modeling, helping, teaching, guiding, sacrificing. The laying down of one's life has a cause and effect. It may not "speak" at this moment, but wait for it, it will speak. And for now, you may watch in sorrow and even horror at the choices your teenager and adult child makes. You continue to be that anchor. Steady, assured, dependable, and unmovable. God has designed you for this role and there is no greater privilege than to be a confident expression of this.

Don't lose heart, whatever you are facing. Be encouraged and go with your gut as you walk out each day. Above all things, love ... no matter what.  It is the greatest force on earth because real love is sacrificial, not dependent on the actions (or lack thereof) of the recipient. Avoiding, ignoring, disowning, escaping, and resisting will accomplish nothing. Decide now to face it head on. It is what it is. Now love. Love with an anchored strength that says, "No matter what I am here".

If you ever had a 9 year old boy you know what I mean. They want to be big boys and often let us know in many ways how big they are. But then there are those moments when you see the little boy innocence that you know one day will end.

My 9 year old likes to go out with his b-b gun and hunt pigeons. He's not afraid of snakes or frogs. He holds the door open for me. He is unusually attentive to my moods. I guess the baby of the family, the last of 8 children, has the opportunity to grow up a bit quicker.

But then he asks me, "Mom, can I ride the carousel?" He picks a black horse decorated with a red plume. He sits on it with such pride, around and around, and looks for me each time it circles. My eyes fill with tears as he smiles at me from ear to ear.

The end of innocence will come soon enough. But for now, I will bask in every moment as it comes.

Someone once told me, perhaps the brass ring everyone reaches for is the mother. I think it's true.

regrets.

We all have them. Some of us are able to move on. Some of us are not. Most of us fall somewhere in-between.

Life happens to all of us and when we reconcile the fact that we live in a broken, imperfect world, we can find balance in not living with regret.

Elisabeth Elliot, a woman in her 80's, has been a mentor to me. Below are her thoughts about regret:


___________________________________________________

Title: Regrets

When my father was twelve years old he lost his left eye through disobedience. He had been forbidden to have firecrackers, but he sneaked out early in the morning of July 4, 1910, and, with the help of a
neighboring farmer, set off some dynamite caps. A piece of copper penetrated his eye.

Four years later my grandfather wrote this letter to my grandmother:

Dearest:

I am not one bit surprised that after all our experiences of the past four years you should suffer from sad memories, but I really do not believe for a moment that you should feel you have any occasion to let remorse bite into your life on account of Philip's accident. Surely we cannot guard against all the contingencies of this complex life, and no one who has poured out life as you have for each one of your children should let such regrets take hold.

None of us could be alive to the pressing needs of today if we should carry along with us the dark heaviness of any past, whether real or imagined. I know, dearest, that your Lord cannot wish anything of that sort for you, and I believe your steady, shining, and triumphant faith will lead you out through Him, into the richest experiences you have ever had. I believe that firmly.

I have had to turn to Him in helplessness today to overcome depression because of my failures. My Sunday School fiasco at Swarthmore bears down pretty hard. But that is not right. I must look ahead, and up, as you often tell me, and I will. I know how sickening remorse is, if anyone knows; yet I also know, as you do, the lift and relief of turning the whole matter over to Him. We must have more prayers and more study together, dearest. I haven't followed the impulses I have so often had in this.

Lovingly, your own Phil.

My grandfather was the most cheerful and serene man I knew in my childhood. It is hard for me to imagine his having had any cause for remorse or temptation to depression. This letter, which bears a two-cent stamp and a Philadelphia postmark, was sent to Grandma in Franconia, New Hampshire, where they had a lovely vacation house. I spent my childhood summers in that house. I can picture her sitting on the porch, perhaps on the anniversary of her son's accident, looking out toward Mounts
Lafayette, Bald, and Cannon, wrestling with the terrible thoughts of her own carelessness and failure. I thank God for my heritage. I thank Him for the word of His faithful servant Paul: "I concentrate on this: I leave the past behind and with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead, I go straight for the goal--my reward the honor of being called by God in Christ."

_________________________________________________

There is a "letting go" when you trust that God is with you.  There is peace of mind knowing that the buck does not stop with you.