Mom Stuff.

KID Find!

2011-02-14T14:52:00.005-05:00

My 9 year old son and I watched this today:

This is the 1974 movie rendition of a children's novel written by Wilson Rawls. It is about a boy who raises two coon hound hunting dogs during the 1930's in the Ozark Mountains.

There is a wealth of character development here for a young boy. I especially enjoyed watching the father guide his son into manhood.

Additionally, it is a good movie to prepare young children for the sorrow in life, yet, provides hope in the midst of it. The two coon dogs meet a mountain lion and both dogs die. When the family moves, the boy is discovered at the graves of his beloved dogs, saying good-bye. He notices a red fern growing between the dog's graves. According to Indian legend, only an angel can plant a red fern and wherever it grows is sacred. With this sign, Billy is finally able to recover from his loss.

It reminded me of how there is always a glimmer of hope no matter how bad life gets. I like that concept being passed along to my children.

We will read the book in a couple of years but head's up: Walmart has the 1974 version of the DVD for 5 bucks. There have been a few remakes since then.

By George, I think she's got it!

2011-02-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

This mom of 9 children (with 2 sets of twins!) has done a wonderful job of what this site is all about. I don't know if she reads Mom Stuff, and I certainly don't take any credit. I'm just thrilled that she's "got it".

It's too easy to copy someone else and even covet who they are. That leads to discouragement and it spills out in how we mother.

Learn from each other, depend on each other ... but for goodness' sakes, be who God designed you to be and know that He did it for a reason!

enterprising.

2011-02-10T20:09:00.003-05:00

(an entry for the Prosperous Writer Prompt)

I suspect many writers are introverts. They gain their energy from within themselves: thinking, reflecting, and writing. That said, I wonder if the caution and lack of ambition for some writers is simply because it is not a natural part of their personality? It may take some learned extroverted personality traits to be enterprising.

If in order to become enterprising, it requires undertaking a project that will change you and cause you to grow, my suggestion is finding a writer friend that is more extroverted. He or she will be naturally enthusiastic, encouraging, and a great nudge!

Additionally, the introverted writer has to believe in him/herself. Outside circumstances cannot be the final say in success. There will be wins and losses. A writer has to weather the rejections, losses, disappointments ... and keep going ... not spiral down into themselves. The creative energy within has to be projected beyond inner thoughts to think big! Yup. These writers need their imagination to go beyond the written page and into the future of possibility.

Writers have to stop saying almost apologetically, "I'm just a writer", like a mom may say, "Oh, I'm a stay-at-home mom". Enterprising will come when the writer treats his or her craft as valuable. They will then progress to making a living at it.

ta-da!

2011-02-09T08:00:00.004-05:00

I took my own advice...

and went out into the snow to play...

so I made a snowman while my son worked on an igloo...

the plowed up snow made a great base...

1 1/2 hours later... ta-da!

I feel accomplished.

there is an end in sight!

2011-02-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

Don't get me wrong. I am not promoting hurrying through the days of mothering young children so you can be free from the work. But there are seasons and you will get to a place when it slows down. Once a mom always a mom. It just changes.

That said, it's wonderful when they are grown up and want a Super Bowl party! The house gets clean without you asking! The food gets bought and prepared!

Me? I'm just sitting here with my laptop, my feet up on the heat register, watching it all.

Wooo hooo!

to be or not to be.

2011-02-04T10:26:00.002-05:00

Some moms are so efficient that every "i" is dotted and every "t" is crossed. At the end of the day they feel a sense of accomplishment.

Some moms are less efficient and more time is spent finding that misplaced "i" and "t".

And some moms didn't even know there was an "i" or "t".

We come in quite an array of colors, shapes, and sizes don't we? There is no one-size-fits-all.

Don't spend time trying to be someone else. We can get ideas from each other and implement tried and true methods. But in the end, do you have your child's heart?

I started out as an i-dotter and a t-crosser. Somewhere into 5-6 kids it broke in me. It didn't crush me since I am who I am and God wired me this way. What broke was the incessant need and burden I placed upon myself to be perfect. What your kids do cannot be more important than who they are.

Routines, order, and structure is good. But so is chilling when a day or two goes by and there are undone chores.

(I cannot speak to moms who are on the other end of the scale but feel free to comment here on your struggle and/or success in finding balance)

In the end, I think we place upon ourselves more than God does.

If flexibility isn't your thing and you can't remember the last time you laughed, then MAKE yourself go outside today and play in the snow with your kids!

If you are too flexible and find you are easily distracted, then MAKE yourself get that laundry done!

Bottom line, you are the right mother for your children. You know what is best for them. But don't be afraid of some tweaking. : )

KID Find!

2011-01-30T17:04:00.005-05:00

The Ingri and Edgar d'Aulaire books are treasures for the K-6th grade crowd. They were published in the 1930's and are not tainted with political correctness. The illustrations are well done and they are all around a good set of books to purchase. With President's Day coming soon, a good read is George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.

getting back on track.

2011-01-14T17:14:00.000-05:00

On the perfectionist scale, I used to be a 9. Bringing this into mothering ... well, it had to go. It didn't go over night but in time, I whittled it down to about a 4.

Our strength is our weakness and perfectionism can be beneficial. People like us not only are dependable but we are thorough. The fault is that we can be too hard on ourselves and the people around us. Know this non-perfectionists: we are harder on ourselves!

Having 8 kids brought balance. When #2 came along, despite his extremely calm demeanor as a baby, it did me in. I couldn't keep everything going perfectly so some things had to go. By the time #3 came along, it was much better.

Yet, it was a process. I remember turning a monumental corner in 1996 after baby #7 came along, and with 5 in school. I threw out my homeschool planner. I had found myself spending far too much time writing in it. When I stopped, I found I was much calmer and happier. There were only so many hours in a day and an hour back then was precious.

I still have perfectionist tendencies, but they have been tempered by the "school of hard knocks". I'm still learning, but my outlook on life is much more pleasant. Perfectionism and worry usually go hand in hand and when you realize that much of life is not in your control, you relax.

How do you stop perfectionism? Like anything else in life. You walk through your daily life, take it as it comes, and grow through it.

professionalism.

2011-01-04T19:38:00.001-05:00

This is a side note that applies to me personally but applies to moms, too, so it fits here! (which I accidentally posted on the blog it is intended for instead of linking here - sorry)

I've been a full-time mother/homemaker of 8 kids and homeschooling for 25 years (3 still at home). As much as I value my role as said mother/homemaker, I still feel like I'm in the shadow (howbeit not as large and looming as it was) of the "professionals". Mainly, because when I am done, there is no monetary reward. Money cannot buy what I have invested in the lives of my kids but the fact remains: there ain't no retirement check!

I have had one article recently published and received payment. I am a contributing author (now that word took some getting used to) to 2 e-magazines. I soon realized it was time to become more confident in defining myself or I wasn't going to get very far.

I've got to believe in me. I've got to believe in my writing. After gaining ground here, and getting paid for my writing, then I can be more comfortable in calling myself a professional.

Point being, there are changes that occur when your children grow up. You may have put some things aside in order to be available to your children. Or, like me, you discover new things about yourself. Whatever it looks like, be assured that how you define yourself will show. Whether it is being an author, artist, musician, volunteer, seamstress ... the list is unlimited ... being confident in your craft and who you are will speak professionalism. Consumers are looking for polished, top-notch products and everyone of us has it in us to produce it.

a new day.

2011-01-04T07:27:00.000-05:00

The New Year brings reflection of what was and anticipation (or dread) of what will be. As New Year's Resolutions prove, we are good at becoming overwhelmed by seeing too far ahead.

Then make it simpler. Not a new year but a new day.

The world operates the same day in and day out. The sun rises and it sets. It's predictable. There's truth to the adage, "the sun will come out tomorrow".

It's okay to get off track. Just get back on and pick up where you left off. You are not perfect. You are not indispensable. Does the sun need your assistance? I didn't think so!

Today is a new day. How will you live it?

joy to the world.

2010-12-23T17:31:00.002-05:00

photo credit: Arnold Friberg

'tis the season.

2010-12-21T15:29:00.005-05:00

Seasons come and go. Some are full of happiness and excitement when all is well. Some are full of sorrow and disappointment when all is not well.

I've seen lots of seasons and have learned to accept them as they come along. It's the stuff life is made of.

Yet, there is hope. We don't live in hopelessness. The sun rises every morning even when its cloudy and we can't see it. Without hope, the Bible tells us the heart is sick. There is nothing worse than living without hope.

Life can bring about some tough stuff. I haven't written in awhile because I have been dealing with some tough stuff and I have been needed as a mom. There have been moments when I cannot take hearing about one more person's hurting heart. But then I remember about hope.

Hope means that something good might come of this predicament we are in. It means that despite being kinda stuck in the world with all its moth-eaten and rust-corroded problems that leave us doing the same things everyday to keep on going is that God loves us so much He keeps placing sure footing in front of us -- even when we've screwed up. Hard to resist that kind of love.

There is an old song that says, "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow". Whether you are a church goer or not, it is as sure as gravity. We don't see gravity but we see the affects of it. We don't see God but we see the affects of Him. The Master Designer created this world and all that is in it. Certainly, He knows all things. He sees the end from the beginning. Something.. someone bigger than us has the final say. And if you give up now, you just don't know what could happen tomorrow. Yeah, it could get worse, but it could get better.

One thing I've noted about the seasons in life is that there is a beginning and end. Nature speaks of this and it is applicable to our lives in a personal way.

The Christmas season is here and it's always a time for warm feelings as we gather with family and friends. In the midst of my sadness, there is the sparkle in my 9 year old's eyes that make me remember that life is worth living. Intermingled with the bad stuff there's some real good stuff, too. Look for it.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, the sun always comes out tomorrow. And if you're hurting, or your child is hurting, "Merry Christmas" is not for you. But knowing that God redeemed us when He sent Jesus, a baby who was predestined for death, wrapped in swaddling (grave) cloths with gifts of ointments (used for burial), there is reason to be at peace. There's even joy. Because when you trust God you relax. So much is out of our control. The choices of others to be exact. And when we know God is with us, well, we have joy. Happiness is temporary. Joy is constant.

To every thing, there is a season. There's a beginning and a middle. But there is an end!

the wonder of christmas.

2010-12-06T12:23:00.002-05:00

I bought this almost 20 years ago. Advent calendars (this one has ornaments that have the names of God with correlating information on His names) are a simple yet powerful way to keep Christ in Christmas. The ornaments are durable and each day we read the name of God and its history before placing the ornament on the tree.

One thing, though! When I looked this up online it came up on Amazon. It's out of print and ... sells for $200 and $100!

So, you may not want to purchase this particular one but look for it at yard sales. It's a keeper for the content ... but it's also valuable!

love notes.

2010-12-03T12:35:00.002-05:00

In 1991, life hit in a way that I didn't know could happen to me. Why is it that we are never prepared? We always think it will "happen" to someone else.

I was deathly sick with morning/afternoon/night sickness with my 6th child. It was so bad I wore a TENS unit. At 10 weeks I had an ultrasound and also, my mother had been admitted to a university hospital, recovering from lack of oxygen as her organs were shutting down. She was in ICU for 7 weeks and never recovered. So, with severe nausea and fatigue, I managed some trips to the hospital which was 2 hours+ away.

At my 3rd month check-up, the doctor could not find a heartbeat. An u/s later that day revealed the baby had died. A week later, my mother died. I carried the baby for 2 weeks before miscarrying.

Life was hard. Too hard.

Yet, God is always with us. People get mad at God like He could do something about our situations. The way I look at it, we live in a broken world. Tires go flat and we get the flu. We accept the fact that there's lots of maintaining in this world we live in. It's like it has to play out the ways its going to play out. Not that we cannot hope, ask, and believe.. but we have to accept what we cannot change or what is out of our control.

How do I know God is with us? Well, there are always these little personal love notes He sends at just the right time.

Going into Christmas that year was very difficult. I had 5 children, ages 2-10 at the time. I remember walking into a department store and in the Christmas aisle were little figurines to decorate the tree ... children figurines. And guess what I found? One that depicted each child perfectly!

A 10 year old looking boy throwing a snowball. Yup, that would be my oldest!

An 8 year old boy carrying a stack of wood. That fit number 2 son to a "T".

A 6 year old boy with a charming smile, holding a wreath. Perfect.

A little girl kneeling in the snow feeding a carrot to a rabbit. Nice.

And a toddler on a bicycle. Adorable.

It may not have meant anything to anyone else but it was just right for me to purchase these. Almost 20 years later, these are taken out of a safe place and placed on our Christmas tree. Added over the years I found 3 more representing the next 3 children.

I don't know what life holds for you but stuff happens. Just know that God is with you in the mom stuff.

home is where the heart is.

2010-11-24T08:00:00.027-05:00

Kids today have it really tough. Moms need to know that.

I don't believe there has ever been a time in history that the stress on their emotions (and ours) has been so difficult. Back in the day there was much more physical hard work that not only kept kids busy, but it was a way to cleanse their minds and lessen stress. We're wired to work and there is a reason for it. There is a feeling of fulfillment when we work. Kids today do not work. They have too much time on their hands. If they are not busy, the old adage "idle hands are the devil's workshop" applies.

Left to themselves, kids will find something to do and it often results in television and computer time which results in excess. There's an imbalance created when they are routinely fed by reality television, defining who they are and their world view. Attitudes are imitated and brought into relationships resulting in over-the-top drama and stress.

Additionally, the time spent on social networking, texting, instant chat/message, Facebook, Twitter ... hours and hours even into the wee hours of the morning sets them up for more imbalance.

Moms are managers of their homes and if you don't manage (not micro-manage) your kids' life they will certainly have unnecessary stress as they deal with the fall-out of excess. They are not equipped to do this alone. If mom is off doing her own thing, they are going to be left to figure it out alone. Many do not and I think it contributes to addictive behaviors, self injury, and suicide because of the rejection, bullying, and cruelty (which has been around since the beginning of time) is occurring more hours per day. That, along with more opportunities to compete in areas of appearance with the ease of digital photography and up-to-the-minute status updates exposes kids to more than kids have ever had to deal with. Without assistance, without guidance, kids left to their own will most likely not choose what is best for them.

Yet, it's not just setting boundaries. It's creating a home that is a refuge. This takes work. It doesn't just happen. It is forgoing your personal time. Yes, there is sacrifice involved and you've got it in you. I sincerely believe that kids need a safe place and what better than their home? And mom will have her eye on things, noting when something is amiss. You know your kids better than anyone. Some wear their hearts on their sleeve; others have to be drawn out. Either way, a home that is restful with a caring mother is more apt to help rather than hinder. Even if it's a strained relationship at times, the assurance of your ongoing presence in their lives is more important than they fully realize.

No one is going to notice the tear in your daughter's eye that she quickly wiped away, or the irritability that your son has lately, like you. And you have the goods to help. Even if we don't have the right words to say, our existence in the home provides stability to the instability caused by the stressful world we live in.

We all need peace from the noise. You don't have to have a perfectly run home. No one does. You just have to have a home that provides a refuge. The right words are not always going to be spoken. No every conflict will be resolved. But living in a peaceful home creates safety from the storms of life. Even if those storms are in your home at times, you can still create a refuge by setting the tone of caring, understanding, helping, and unconditional love.

thanksgiving.

2010-11-22T08:00:00.002-05:00

My favorite people in history are the Pilgrims. I never tire of reading about them and telling my kids about them. They are examples of courage, endurance, and perseverance ... inspiring me to remember that life today has created alot of self-centered people.

What pregnant woman today would embark upon a wooden boat to travel across the ocean to an unknown land? And her baby was born on that boat.

It's imperative that we teach our children to live beyond today for the good of others and to live in a way that is larger than themselves. We may not be discovering new lands today, but we have our own personal conquests that must be claimed. Through it, we pass the baton to the next generation and teach them courage, endurance, and perseverance; all qualities that are necessary to preserve family and community.

Happy, happy Thanksgiving!

once a mom always a mom.

2010-11-19T09:53:00.001-05:00

I have been needed with family matters and unable to write weekly.

Your children will always need guidance, even when they are adults. Tuck that in the back of your mind when you are with your little ones. Although the needs change they are always there. That's not a bad thing.

The principles I have lived by and taught my children are playing out right before my eyes. As young adults I see them building their lives on them. All the sacrifice, hard work, and tears were worth it. Because there is nothing more valuable in life than to walk in integrity no matter what happens to you.

Teach your children to choose right paths. They will be hit with storms in life ... but amidst sorrow, their heart will be strong and their mind at peace.

anchors.

2010-11-11T08:05:00.001-05:00

Not much talk today about sacrifice. We use it when it comes to the military, past and present, who sacrificed their lives for our country. It usually begins and ends there.

But there's a whole lot of personal sacrifice going on with everyday people like you and me. It's not readily noticed because to do so would diminish the very essence and intention of it.

Mothers are in this category. You are in this category.

If you are a mother of young children, you can be assured that your anchor is in place. You may feel that there is so much to learn and that's true. But the growth is not in the development of an anchor, you've already got one. It is the anchor going deeper until it finds complete stability. One day your children will grow up and lead lives of their own, requiring choices that are not yours. There will be happy times and sad times as you watch from a distance. It's easy to be happy when everyone around you does it the way you would. Not so easy when they don't. Especially if it's your kids.

Whether we realize it or not, being anchored, anchors them. We have spent 18 years advising, modeling, helping, teaching, guiding, sacrificing. The laying down of one's life has a cause and effect. It may not "speak" at this moment, but wait for it, it will speak. And for now, you may watch in sorrow and even horror at the choices your teenager and adult child makes. You continue to be that anchor. Steady, assured, dependable, and unmovable. God has designed you for this role and there is no greater privilege than to be a confident expression of this.

Don't lose heart, whatever you are facing. Be encouraged and go with your gut as you walk out each day. Above all things, love ... no matter what. It is the greatest force on earth because real love is sacrificial, not dependent on the actions (or lack thereof) of the recipient. Avoiding, ignoring, disowning, escaping, and resisting will accomplish nothing. Decide now to face it head on. It is what it is. Now love. Love with an anchored strength that says, "No matter what I am here".

2010-11-08T08:00:00.001-05:00

If you ever had a 9 year old boy you know what I mean. They want to be big boys and often let us know in many ways how big they are. But then there are those moments when you see the little boy innocence that you know one day will end.

My 9 year old likes to go out with his b-b gun and hunt pigeons. He's not afraid of snakes or frogs. He holds the door open for me. He is unusually attentive to my moods. I guess the baby of the family, the last of 8 children, has the opportunity to grow up a bit quicker.

But then he asks me, "Mom, can I ride the carousel?" He picks a black horse decorated with a red plume. He sits on it with such pride, around and around, and looks for me each time it circles. My eyes fill with tears as he smiles at me from ear to ear.

The end of innocence will come soon enough. But for now, I will bask in every moment as it comes.

Someone once told me, perhaps the brass ring everyone reaches for is the mother. I think it's true.

regrets.

2010-11-05T08:31:00.006-04:00

We all have them. Some of us are able to move on. Some of us are not. Most of us fall somewhere in-between.

Life happens to all of us and when we reconcile the fact that we live in a broken, imperfect world, we can find balance in not living with regret.

Elisabeth Elliot, a woman in her 80's, has been a mentor to me. Below are her thoughts about regret:

___________________________________________________

Title: Regrets

When my father was twelve years old he lost his left eye through disobedience. He had been forbidden to have firecrackers, but he sneaked out early in the morning of July 4, 1910, and, with the help of a
neighboring farmer, set off some dynamite caps. A piece of copper penetrated his eye.

Four years later my grandfather wrote this letter to my grandmother:

Dearest:

I am not one bit surprised that after all our experiences of the past four years you should suffer from sad memories, but I really do not believe for a moment that you should feel you have any occasion to let remorse bite into your life on account of Philip's accident. Surely we cannot guard against all the contingencies of this complex life, and no one who has poured out life as you have for each one of your children should let such regrets take hold.

None of us could be alive to the pressing needs of today if we should carry along with us the dark heaviness of any past, whether real or imagined. I know, dearest, that your Lord cannot wish anything of that sort for you, and I believe your steady, shining, and triumphant faith will lead you out through Him, into the richest experiences you have ever had. I believe that firmly.

I have had to turn to Him in helplessness today to overcome depression because of my failures. My Sunday School fiasco at Swarthmore bears down pretty hard. But that is not right. I must look ahead, and up, as you often tell me, and I will. I know how sickening remorse is, if anyone knows; yet I also know, as you do, the lift and relief of turning the whole matter over to Him. We must have more prayers and more study together, dearest. I haven't followed the impulses I have so often had in this.

Lovingly, your own Phil.

My grandfather was the most cheerful and serene man I knew in my childhood. It is hard for me to imagine his having had any cause for remorse or temptation to depression. This letter, which bears a two-cent stamp and a Philadelphia postmark, was sent to Grandma in Franconia, New Hampshire, where they had a lovely vacation house. I spent my childhood summers in that house. I can picture her sitting on the porch, perhaps on the anniversary of her son's accident, looking out toward Mounts
Lafayette, Bald, and Cannon, wrestling with the terrible thoughts of her own carelessness and failure. I thank God for my heritage. I thank Him for the word of His faithful servant Paul: "I concentrate on this: I leave the past behind and with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead, I go straight for the goal--my reward the honor of being called by God in Christ."

_________________________________________________

There is a "letting go" when you trust that God is with you. There is peace of mind knowing that the buck does not stop with you.

perspective.

2010-11-01T08:00:00.002-04:00

There was a tsunami in Indonesia this past week. A 2 month old was discovered alive in a storm drain. An 18 month old was found clinging to a small clump of trees for 3 days.

Stories like this cause us to pull our children closer to us, and so we should.

Yet, I must prepare you dear mother. Because for now, you may have your little ones near your watchful eye. That is a comforting feeling. But one day, you will not.

Have you ever planted a vegetable garden? You can carefully till the soil until it's soft and pliable. You can choose the best seeds and the best plants. You can add fertilizer and water faithfully. You can watch over it with utmost diligence, pulling out every weed as it pops its head above the soil.

But what if a hail storm comes? What if crows scratch at the dirt and steal the seeds? What if a rabbit or deer nibble at the new plantings? What if a late frost comes and damages your hard work?

Life is as unpredictable as this. Sometimes we step back and feel the satisfaction of a job well done. Sometimes, no matter what we did to do a job well done, circumstances beyond our control come along and bring destruction.

There are seasons in life. Our culture places too much emphasis on input - output. While there is merit to this, we cannot..should not.. put all our confidence in this or we will be very disappointed.

One day, your children will make choices that you do not agree with. You may have taught and modeled something entirely different and will be shocked the first time it happens. Don't. Because they will do it again!

Enjoy this time if you are a mom with young children. It will change. Not for the worse, just different. And you will find yourself growing along with them as they grow. We can put the tools in their hands, but they must choose how to use them.

KID Find!

2010-10-28T10:49:00.003-04:00

A personal favorite!

the honeymoon is over!

2010-10-25T07:00:00.001-04:00

Well, not really.

Having kids is like that first 1st year of marriage. Reality sets in. Same thing with having children. 'Cept I don't remember anyone talking about this in the context of children. So I will.

We tend to have romantic, fairy-tale, or Little House on the Prairie mindsets. And the American culture today with all the chick flicks and reality tv shows only serve to compound what I see as a problem. It's not real life.

When we're growing up we don't know this. In time, we do. Yet, it's already taken hold and flavors how we think, how we live, and what our goals are. Certainly a way of life can be admired and inspiring-- but somewhere along the way we have to find out what is right for our family. We don't all live in the same scene. Unless you personally know someone in an elite position, we would all be living in the same boat like the common people did back in the day. There's strength in sameness. Either that, or misery likes company. : )

That said, it's way too easy to compare and that only distracts us.

There are wonderful moments in between the work. I don't have to tell you that. I remember dragging myself around the house with the stresses of unpaid bills and relationship challenges and then the 5 month old breaks into laughter because the 4 year old is making faces at him. Then suddenly, those stresses weighing heavily on me shatter into a million pieces.

Children are wonderful blessings but there is work involved. You may be exhausted with your little brood but the demands will never end. It changes but will go into their adulthood as they face the many challenges that you've already lived.

So, don't be surprised when what you thought .. changes. Nothing is wrong. It's life. Relax.

patience.

2010-10-21T22:59:00.002-04:00

Sneaking a little blurb in here about patience in regard to writing.. and it's applicable to mothering, too.

Patience is the anchor that keeps me from wandering (or running) away from whatever circumstance I find myself in; whether in my newly developing writing career or being a mom. Life's lessons have taught me to be patient and that everything has a way of working out.

Writing happened quite by accident for me. As I look back over the last 6 years, I've seen the love of writing my thoughts about anything and everything in my blog turn into something much more that I had anticipated. Two years ago I found myself taking an online course Writing for Children. Next, I found myself at the Rochester, NY, annual Children's Book Fair. Then, winning two writing contests along with writing for an e-magazine.

When I completed my writing course and saw the list of links for resources I was completely overwhelmed. The first book that was recommended in that list was Writer Mama. Hmm. Good fit since that described me perfectly! I took that as a clue to stick with the author and follow her, along with a children's author. I haven't gone too far from these two authors since it's not humanly possible (at least for me right now) to have too many resources.

Impatience makes me expend energy that is often unproductive. I can tell when that happens because I am irritable. Feeling comfortable with who I am and how I am wired is one of the first steps in being patient. When you are comfortable with yourself you will be patient with yourself. It helps me to pace myself. It's a restful state of mind that provides more energy for writing and other things.

Recently, I have been submitting articles online and two articles kept getting returned to me for various grammar errors or wordiness. I was not happy by the 3rd reject and wanted to ~~yell~~ say, "What do you want from me?!" I caught my reaction and did not hop over to the forum to get my voice heard. I told myself, "Nope. You're going to receive this rejection, fix it, and resubmit!" And so I did.

A note for young moms: you'll always be a mother, but one day you may find new endeavors that you didn't even know you had in you come to fruition. Be patient!

you are the professional.

2010-10-21T07:00:00.007-04:00

I cannot enforce this enough and I will continually beat this drum: you are the right mom for your kids.

Whether you are a young mom in her 20's or an older mom in her 50's (that would be me), we have been affected by the culture that has made us think we are somehow not equipped to be the authority for our children. I suppose Dr. Spock from the 1950's gets the flack for being at the forefront of bringing his professionalism to the table. Over the years I have seen unprecedented trends of taking more and more away from the individual and letting the "professionals" do it.

Listen up. No one knows your kids like you. God designed for you to be the final say, the authority. You know how something rises up inside of you when you have felt that line being crossed? There's a reason. It's almost sacred ground.

I'm not talking about yelling at the coach from the stands. I'm not talking about thinking your kids can do nothing wrong and being over-protective. I'm talking about the environment we live in today that has pushed its way into our families. We have to be aware.

There is a place for assistance. Yet, sometimes we may find ourselves second guessing our choices and decisions. Stop. You and your husband have the final say and it does not matter what others think. Establish that now and the "mom stuff" will be much easier.

get out of the rut.

2010-10-18T08:00:00.010-04:00

When I began homeschooling, I had to make sure every base was covered. I was efficient with everything else I did and homeschool was no exception.

All subjects were covered thoroughly. If one of my children looked ahead to a story in their reader and wanted to read it I cringed. It was out of order! And no, I did not let them. If an interest was sparked in a science lesson it killed me to think that we would spend too much time there because we needed to move on and make sure the book was completed. Things had to be done a certain way because I was afraid I would miss teaching them something very important! Not only that, but the loose ends were not giving me a sense of accomplishment. I like finished projects.

Well, 24 years later I am very different. That's because I have a bird's eye view with a few graduated kids under my belt. I now know that yes, there is something to be said for being thorough, but kids are very resilient and learn in so many ways.

Take history for example. There's only so much American History. And throughout the elementary school years a child will keep learning the same thing with more information added in the older grades. Same thing with science. So it isn't going to hurt to take a month and take out wonderfully illustrated library books, go on field trips, watch a documentary series, or create art projects that will reinforce a topic. For instance, if you are reading a chapter in 4th grade about the Solar System and your child shows interest in the planets or the stars, then by all means do not go onto the next chapter! Have fun exploring for a few weeks.

In our culture, it is difficult for us to vary from the way things are normally done. Education is pretty much out of textbooks and is quite appealing to children who love to read and take tests. But even these children will benefit from hands on learning. Even if your child is in public school, you have an important place in the education of your child. It's not all up to the school or the "professionals" as if you do not have the credentials. No one loves your child the way you do and you will be surprised how much you have to offer.

Don't fall into a rut. Life is full of wonder and excitement. Schoolwork doesn't have to be mundane. Kids are not meant to conform to one way of learning. Relax and let much of it happen quite naturally. Just like you didn't have to teach your little one how to put one step in front of the other to walk, or how to move his mouth to chew his food, there's a lot of learning that naturally happens even in academics. Your enthusiasm and a little guidance will get them started in the right direction. Don't miss out!

KID Find

2010-10-14T07:00:00.000-04:00

Several years ago I came upon this Children's Bible at TJ Maxx. It was the illustrations that caught my attention. Your chid will get lost in how well the illustrator captured facial expressions. And the best part is the Israelites look Jewish. So does Jesus.

A keeper.

clap!

2010-10-11T09:00:00.004-04:00

"Apparently hand-clapping rhymes and songs are actually linked to cognitive skills. Research by Dr. Idit Sulkin, of the Ben-Gurion University Music Science Lab, found that young children who naturally play hand-clapping games are better spellers, have neater handwriting, and better overall writing skills."

Fascinating.

This explains why I am good at spelling, handwriting, and better overall writing skills.

"A sailor went to sea, sea, sea,
to see what he could see, see see..."

productivity.

2010-10-08T15:47:00.002-04:00

Taking a break today from a Mom Stuff post, although it is applicable to moms!

Today was my first day of real productivity in the writing world. Some time ago I realized that I like order but I am not naturally organized. Order is just coming into a situation and taking chaos and bringing.. well, order. I can do that easily. Organization requires a deeper level of thinking. I have had to learn to be organized to some extent but have finally accepted who I am and how I process. That doesn't mean there can't be some tweaking...just not a complete overhaul or nothing will get done since that will make me come to a screeching halt. We don't work well in ways we are not wired to work.

For instance, I know people who use daytimers and make lists. I cringe at the thought of it. I tried it and it doesn't work for me at all. I am a calendar gal. Everything is jotted down in that little square.

Also, I've always been good at keeping many things organized in my head. It's worked for managing 8 kids and the maple syrup business and more so why would I change it? Simply put, we are a curious lot and we are good at looking over the fence to see how someone else is doing something. In time we will find that we are expending precious time and energy trying to be someone we are not. We aren't being true to ourselves in living the way we were created. Funny how we can be such a multi-faceted society yet we are attracted to sameness!

At any rate, I had to get the creativity and organization out of my head and in motion because I was not always seeing results in my new endeavor: writing. In order to do that I had to begin setting goals and be productive. At the same time, I had to be true to myself. And today I met my first goal with intended regularity: 2 hours on Friday mornings set aside for my "job". Writing. It's a start. And I feel really good.

That's not easy to do when you've been a mom for almost 30 years (and a homeschooing mom). But I have reached a time in my life when I can and should write. It took some "switching gears" since I've been in a kind of auto pilot for a long time.

So, my productivity is: one article completed and submitted today. And my goal is to continue writing 2 articles a month along with working on the books that have been in my head for over a year for 2 hours on Friday mornings. The next goal is to carve out the time for the an additional day or night for writing.

It won't get on paper until I do it. I know that now. And today really is the first day of the next part of my life. No longer will I feel that pit in my stomach with a new children's book published thinking how I have got to get going on my books. Because now I am working on my goals and being productive.

round and round we go.

2010-10-07T07:00:00.001-04:00

I recently wrote, "It's okay to do the same thing over and over again everyday." Creepy thought isn't it?

There is nothing wrong with routine. We are not spinning our wheels when life isn't that exciting. It's just that we live in a world that keeps us on an emotional high most of the time and we cannot function well if it slows down. Even if you are not so anxious to live life to the fullest, you will find yourself being swept up in the current.

Getting up every morning and doing the same mom stuff day in and day out is routine. There are highlights for sure. Yet you may find somewhere in the back of your mind that you are not really doing anything. You can read all the books and attend all the meetings but you have to find your own nitch and yes, encouragement.

Godliness with contentment is great gain.

Listen. I know that no matter how much you are trying to believe it, it's still unbelievable that if you did nothing else but raise your children and serve your family that it is enough. If you lived 60 years ago it would have sufficed. But today, we are inundated by everyone's 2 cents and second guessing ourselves.

Life really isn't that complicated.

There is something to be said for seizing the day but the key is moderation. The key is not to feel like you are a failure or a slouch or disqualified or not as good as someone else.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

Thank-you, Dr. Suess.

Are you getting this? Isn't it glaring the requirements we place upon ourselves and others? Everyday we pull out the ruler and measure everything ... everything is viewed through a lens of performance and productivity.

We all can't be leaders that are visible and blazing trails of productivity of major proportions. In fact, I think there are only a handful of those kinds of people and they are rare. Most of us are quieter and can lead right in our own homes, reproducing who we are and what we are all about to our children. And throughout the centuries, the beat goes on. The mom has the baby, the mom raises the baby, the mom points to the right path to live life.

And so it continues.

Routine, but not boring. Okay.. sometimes boring but interspersed are wonderful surprises because God is like that and He has made creation like that. That's why when we look at the moon for the thousandth time or we spot a cardinal against the white snow or the sound of the wind soothes our soul, we are able to continue on with contentment. Because while I am spoon feeding my 9 year old the same food that I fed 7 other children, I hear the gathering of geese, I see the colors changing outside the window, and I feel the chill of the breeze... the same routine things that have gone on all my life. And yet, they still bring warmth to my heart.

Don't be wasting time looking for something grand. Or you will miss out on the simple pleasures that are meant to be grand.

KID Find

2010-10-04T07:00:00.002-04:00

I won this book as my comment on the Writing For Children Center was added to other comments and my name was drawn along with 2 others.

What caught my eye was the front cover. I think the illustrations of the book is equal in importance to the content.

"This heartfelt tale begins with a ship sailing across the sea underneath the moon. From there, the fathers of all creatures great and small come home to their little ones. The dog father runs home to his little puppies; the father bird flies home to his little birds. Even the daddy longlegs creeps home to his little daddy longlegs! his simple, sweet story culminates with a sailor – the human father – coming home from the sea to his little boy." Shavounda White

Margaret Wise Brown ever-so-simply tells a story of that special bond between father and child, and with it, sends a simple message even the smallest of children can understand…daddy will be home soon. With Stephen Savage’s bold colors and beautiful illustrations, this story will make bedtime or anytime a great time to bask in a father’s love.

I understand that this is not the best book for children who do not have daddy coming home to them. Yet, I think that perhaps there is still comfort in reading this to a fatherless child. I think there is a special place in God the Father's heart for the abandoned.

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will take care of me. Psalm 27:10

I'm bored!

2010-10-01T07:00:00.000-04:00

I had an interesting conversation with a professor this week at the eMarketing conference. We were talking about shrinking attention spans, the rise of snack-size media, and the tyranny of output. “Never are we bored these days,” the professor said, referring to the over-supply of distraction. “That’s a problem,” he maintained, ”because boredom is the mother of creativity. There is no creativity without boredom.”

Credit goes to iPlot.

inspiration.

2010-09-29T08:00:00.002-04:00

My 9 year old and I have been reading about the early explorers. For some reason, this was a personally interesting period for me when I was in fourth grade. I always remembered the names and what they discovered- John Cabot, Sir Francis Drake, Amerigo Vespucci, Ponce de Leon. I've decided that the retainment is simple: not only are saying the names fun, but by nature, I am an explorer. The kids watched me one night last week, binoculars in hand, trampling through the heavy, wet grass in the field trying to get a good view of Jupiter.

Today we wandered from the textbook and read a book that I have had here for many years, Discovery of the Americas by Betsy and Giulio Maestro. (you know, the whole if mom feels like having fish for dinner we have fish for dinner thing) Significant attention is given to Ferdinand Magellan, who is attributed the honor of sailing around the world. Thing is, he never made it. He was ambushed in the Phillipines. So close to the finish line! Yet, 1 ship (after 5 at the start) and 18 men (after 250 at the start and their leader gone), they continued on. A lesser known man (to us), Juan Sebastian del Cano, sailed and with "the remaining crew were determined to complete the journey for their dead leader."

This whole ordeal took 3 years. It was hellish. Storms (hurricane season, unknown to them at the time), disease, death, hunger, thirst.. all overtook these men. Sure, there was wealth in their minds and the honor of bringing back to Spain their great feat and discoveries (such as present-day the Strait of Magellan). Yet, there was also a mindset to explore and discover. And Magellan, like Columbus and others, never knew the proportion of their sacrifice. In Magellan's case, his voyage caused the world to understand for the first time, how big the world was.

Two things strike me here. One being, the loyalty of del Cano and the remaining crew to carry the torch for Magellan. Lots to ponder about there.

Secondly, the sacrifices of men and women throughout history is incredibly inspiring. Chartering unknown territory, pioneering new ideas, continuing to blaze the trails our predecessors walked, takes some courage, vision, and an understanding of the bigger picture. Some, for personal gain. Yet most, for the benefit of others.

There are those named individuals who are known by all who get credit for their accomplishments and that is well deserved. The mother who lives on a rural road or a busy suburban street, who is sacrificing in ways unknown to the onlooker, for the benefit of her children and even more, the benefit of a society, is known by God. And she may never see what she has done. Her children may never "rise up and call her blessed". She may die before that happens and never see the promises that she clung to. Mothers are the unnamed who are routinely sowing their precious seed and believing there will be fruit. There will be. She may not ever see it's fulfillment. Nor does she know that her sacrifices join with many others that perhaps will preserve what little there is left of a society who lives self-governing lives, loving God and neighbor, and living peaceably as much as possible.

The scripture says, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. We have not sailed across the Atlantic amidst the fury of wind and waves. We have not suffered disease, sickness, nakedness, or famine without recourse. And it is less common today to lose a husband at sea or bury our dead children in makeshift graves. We have not suffered greatly for the benefit of another or a whole society.

We are tired when we have piles of laundry. We complain when we haven't been out of the house in a week. We wish for a better stove or more room in our house or new furniture. All saying, don't I deserve?

Some of us do lead lives untouched by severe difficulty. If you are one that falls in that group, by all means you should enjoy! Yet, keep in mind that there are others who are living below you in many ways. They, too, have blessings bestowed upon them but may carry within them their sacrifice or losses. In these instances, a cup of water is wonderfully appreciated.

Either way, mothers everywhere are heroes. Keep seeing the bigger picture and give yourself wholly to it.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

You may see it. You may not. Either way, you have to be okay with it.

Lori Calabrese Review of the Golden Pathway by Donna McDine

2010-09-27T12:49:00.002-04:00

Lori Calabrese Writes!: Would you risk an escape to freedom? "Many children learn about Harriet Tubman and The Underground Railroad, but how many stop to really think about the severity of a time cloude..."

living.

2010-09-27T07:00:00.011-04:00

My 9 year old was doing Bible Lifepac 402 this morning and I read with him about worry in Matthew 6. It's where Jesus was explaining how He feeds the birds and clothes the flowers and how much more He cares for us. And I thought, "Oh yeah.." as if I had remembered hearing that one time. Of course, like any mom would do, I expounded upon this truth helping my son to understand God's continual care and concern for us. And as I was speaking to him...I was speaking to me.

You know, it never will end don't you? You will never "arrive". In fact, I have been a mother for 29 years and I am less confident in me and more in God's ability.

We live in a very productive oriented and driven society. If you don't have something in the works then you are not interesting or even successful. If you are not on some committee, volunteering in your church, bringing in a paycheck, taking a class.. you will get some raised eyebrows.

I've grown up. I've discovered that if I try to make my square pegs fit in a round hole it's gonna hurt someone. So I stopped. Now, I take the solid you-can-go-to-the-bank with it truths and what-my-family-is- all about and lay the foundation of my home with that. From there, the building may not look like someone (or a lot of someones) house. I can no longer parrot status quo because it's regurgitating someone else's life experiences. The Apostle Paul pretty much addressed that tendency a few times. Wc can't and shouldn't compare too many notes with the unnecessary stuff that serves little purpose than to stress us (like moms and kids) out.

Since God has created variety (one resource states that 800,000 insects have been discovered and it is believed that over 1 million have yet to be discovered!) we can surmise there will be variety in our families. If we fall prey to comparing and then set out to copy model someone else we will be miserable.

So, don't worry. Placing undue emphasis on producing will drive you and your family into the ground. It's okay to do the same thing over and over again everyday.

Now for the post:

I address the culture alot because a mom's job is to watch for the influences which affect their children. If Jesus were teaching this perhaps He would say something like, "doesn't nature itself speak of this?" The animal kingdom (except for those unfeeling reptiles!) reveals how the mother watches and protects at all cost (personal sacrifice). She also teaches and knows when to push the fledglings out of the nest (grow up). So, how much more do human mothers have the ability to be a mother? It's okay to watch out for your kids.

With the crazy amount of choices in television viewing, internet, social networking, video games, music, trends, and ideologies there's alot out there vying for our children's attention, time, affections, and loyalty. Constant vigil is utmost in the culture we live in today. And if the culture threatens to destroy the foundation we're building upon we have to refuse it. And you will decide what will or will not be and how much. That is your job. Because the culture is like the air. It's all around us. We cannot help but be in the middle of it. And if left unattended, the culture can and will speak loudly, forming and shaping your child's mind and views.

Personally, I do not wish to create a 1950's atmosphere. Nor do I want to be the Little House on the Prairie, howbeit those time periods have endearing attributes. I am not opposed to culture, just the parts that are in direct opposition to timeless truths to live by and distract from creating the best atmosphere for maturing.

Almost daily, it's like I pull out a sword to combat the shallow, tantalizing, unstable parts of culture that come along. A statement made on television- slice! and truth is spoken. A self centered behavior- slice! and truth is spoken. The desire for entertainment to reduce boredom- slice! and truth is spoken. Honestly this is more tiring than making meals, changing diapers, laundry and homeschooling. Because the meal is eaten and the bottom is dry and the clothes are put away and the lessons are done. But resisting the culture may fall on a hardened heart or a deaf ear and the fruit may not be seen for years. Years! But if you believe in your truths you will continue despite. That's what faith is. And you find that you cannot possibly be solely responsible for this great feat. You learn that God has a part, too. Way bigger than ours.

Example: I never like to hear "I'm bored". My kids either will find something to do or else I will give them work to do or they will hear about the colonial days. This is resisting the culture that dazzles them with instant gratification.

When our children are young it is a more controlled atmosphere. But get ready. Your little brood is going to grow up. And while many will not give into the term "terrible twos" or "teenager", you can fool yourself but reality is there are changes going on during those years. And when they come you will find a huge transition in your life. Like labor, you will get through it! Your physical demands will turn to mental and emotional as the "I'm sitting down on the outside but standing up on the inside" may just show itself very vividly, requiring lots of seemingly endless listening and discussions.

Example: (8 years ago) "Mom, I bought a car on Ebay". WHAT?!?

But I wouldn't have done that. Either would his father. What gives?

What gives is that they have to grow up. And it won't necessarily look like you planned. Or what you taught. Or what you modeled.

And in time, you worry less because it's not all up to you.

And in time, you have more peace because it's not all up to you.

And in time, you become more joyful because you have peace in knowing it's not all up to you.

And in time, you are more settled with who you are and who your children are.

And I hope you get this way before I did.

who knew?

2010-09-23T08:30:00.003-04:00

Sanctimommy.

live.

2010-09-22T11:21:00.006-04:00

I had the privilege of listening to Robert Andrews, who wrote The Family: God's Weapon for Victory speak at my church on Sunday morning.

He said something in his sermon that, once again, defies the culture. He explained that he never once heard his father say, "I love you".

But what came next may surprise you.

He continued to say, but I knew my father loved me.

How? In other ways. Such as the way he saw his dad's face light up when he saw his son.

You know, maybe that's all that some kids will get from a parent. Is it enough?

Since the early 70's or thereabouts, there came an explosion in our culture of a focus on self. Suddenly, we had rights and you better not infringe upon them! Self awareness led to self improvement and self esteem. Books, seminars, talk shows, magazines, television shows all got on board while everyone's personal lives were laid bare as people grappled with their insecurities. And often, the blame was placed on the mother or father.

Interestingly, the same proponents of empowering "self" seem to have not included the ability perhaps to continue this empowerment in the area of not allowing the past to have power over them. All this power is really cowardice. Empowerment really creates a big ego that is self centered and even selfish.

Mr. Andrews is in his early 70's and as many of his generation, is not hindered by the "new" ways of doing things. They see through it and thank God they do. Many of us have not lived to see what men and women of the 70+ generation has seen and their wisdom is valuable. They lived without all the bells and whistles and they survived.

So, here is a man who is not living as a victim because his father never uttered the words, "I love you". Here is a man who chose not to hold it against his father, nor did he choose to live with what the "self" culture almost always ends up with: self pity. I believe Mr. Andrews chose to honor and respect his father and mother like many of his generation understood before the radical anti-everything 60's came along and changed the culture and thus changed our thinking. With it has brought unprecedented rebellion and defiance against parents and authority. The lack of respect is glaring. It's not just "oh you're old fashioned", but down right cynicism, mocking, and devaluation.

We cannot allow the culture to form our children's minds. It is unstable and changeable as the trends wash upon our minds like the shoreline ebbs and flows. It is hard work to resist the current. While I am not trying to relive the 50's. I do want my kids to be relevant, Yet. I have to continue to find that fine line of sowing what is truth, everlasting, and ultimately, eternal. I can only hope and pray that those seeds find good soil in their hearts and take root.

to be continued...

walk this way.

2010-09-20T07:00:00.002-04:00

Every family has particular values they live by. Whether recognized as such, values are based on a sense of right and wrong. Because definitions of right and wrong can vary, I have found the Bible to be utmost in my life...a book that hasn't been written in the last 150 years as some newer religions and their books claim.

There are absolutes contrary to what our culture says. And those absolutes may not necessarily give us the results in our lifetime. Sometimes, it will play out years after we are gone, in our children and grandchildren's lives and in our nation. That said, we cannot deter from values simply because "it didn't work for me". We, as so many of our predecessors have done, must think beyond ourselves and today.

While values are outlined clearly in the scripture (and by the way, the sense of right and wrong is written on our hearts - just look at the guilt on a 2 year old's face when he smacks his brother!), we will find variety in our families.

Yesterday, while shopping, I heard an elderly husband and wife talking: "I'm following this young man to the garden center", he told his wife with a tell-tale North Jersey accent. The wife "snapped" back but not really. I grew up in a suburb of NYC and I smiled since it brought me back. She was just talking the way that culture talks. To someone listening it may sound like they are being rude to each other but I knew it wasn't the case.

Variety is okay. Don't try to be someone you are not.

Secondly, if you don't teach values to your children I guarantee someone else will. We cannot assume that the "professionals" will do it. By that I mean teachers, counselors, coaches, other parents... you get the gist. God has given your children to you for a reason. You are the right mom.

I am almost 54 and have a 17, 15, and 9 year old at home. I thank God He has given me the ability to be very conscientious about my role as a mother. Because my kids are homeschooled, they are with me 24/7. Daily, I am still guiding and directing words and actions. This is way more difficult than teaching academics. It involves continual application in their chores, their relationships and their time.

I can tell you that by 7pm I am exhausted! But if not me, than who?

Keep in mind that 100 years ago and more that the "professionals" were not around. As a culture we have given up so much of our role and authority to others. The more we are influenced by our culture the more you will believe this. I am not suggesting we live as hermits. I am suggesting that as we entrust our children to others that we are careful to be involved with our oversight. In the background perhaps, but watching over our children.

As we grow in understanding we will grow in wisdom. Wisdom is the kind of thing that brings balance. It executes understanding with grace and yet, "nails" it. It's the thing that tells us to be a mother bear but how to be a wise mother bear. Our role doesn't give us the right to overprotect our kids to the point that they never grow up (think yelling at the ref from the stand or the school teacher).

Consider what your family values are and make them utmost in your responsibilities. You can provide a nice house, nice clothes, and healthy meals for your children. Yet, if values are nearly absent in our daily lives, it will hurt our kids more than if they had values without all the nice things.

KID Find

2010-09-15T07:00:00.001-04:00

I read this book to my 9 year old. It's beautifully written and illustrated. Written in 1940, the author, Robert Lawson, tells the story of his forefathers.

love your children.

2010-09-13T07:00:00.005-04:00

There is a scripture in the Bible in the book of Titus, chapter 2, that tells the older women to teach the younger women to love their children.

At first glance, this seems like an oxymoron. There is a bond between mother and child unlike any relationship in the world. No matter if you live in Mongolia or Manhattan, a mother's love is incredible.

So why would God address this?

It's pretty simple if you know the Bible. It's because God's love is not the same as our love. We have conditions. He does not.

Throughout the years of mothering there will be endless opportunities for sacrifice. The demands are unknown until you hold your newborn. Then, let the games begin! Sleepless nights, sore nipples and/or nightly feedings..the list goes on. Yet, the joy and fulfillment our children bring far outweigh the work.

We all have various tolerance levels. For instance, I like to teach so homeschool was a good fit for me. However, my strength and ability did hit the proverbial brick wall and that is when we find there is more to give that we either want or have within us. This is where loving your children comes in. As outlined in the scripture, love is not just a feeling. It is an action that is based on a choice to do whatever it takes. And since experience is on the side of older women, this is why God instructs us to teach the younger women.

There have and will continue to be plenty of opportunities for sacrifice. It's one thing to have to get up for 2 and 4am feedings. It's another thing to be drained mentally and emotionally for difficult situations involving your children that are not yet resolved or watching them make choices and decisions that you do not agree with.

When a mother realizes that her life is in service to her family, she is willing to take on the instruction to love her children (and husband, as Titus 2 says). In today's world with it's empowered women who have sat under the tutelage of feminism, mothers have to decide which path they will take.

I don't know about you, but I have to give it all I've got and then some. We aren't always going to see the results right away nor will we see it in our lifetime. We instruct our children for them, but we also instruct them for the whole of society, a nation, and the world.

There is a sense of deep fulfillment, one that I find cannot be tampered with when we live our lives based on principles and values that are timeless and based on truth. While I have seen me give it all only to find the results were sorrowful, I still have within me the fulfillment of having done all.

Moms, loving your child is hugging and laughing and cuddling. But it also is loving them no matter what.

And that, is God's love.

let the games begin!

2010-09-08T15:32:00.000-04:00

School is in session here and we've gradually made the transition to full steam ahead this week. That means no mercy in a few areas!

Academics are not the real job of homeschooling. Building character is. Any wise crack can sit down and do a math lesson and get an A+. My goal is to help shape words, actions, and behavior based on timeless tried and true methods that are wrapped up in the Golden Rule: treat others the way you want to be treated.

And let me say that your's truly can't just talk the talk but I have to walk the walk. Modeling it is everything.

Moms who's children attend public school have work to do, too. Sometimes I imagine it's more than mine. They have to battle so much more with their children being influenced 7 hours a day with people you don't know. It seems that the maintenance of preserving your values is a continual effort.

Either way, being a mom is hard work. For me, I have found my strength in my faith since the Bible has a lot to say about being a parent. It gives instruction that helps immensely and gives me the reason to get up every morning.

Stay the course!

resisting the culture.

2010-09-02T09:37:00.004-04:00

We are products of our environments. There is no doubt that our home life shapes us but I believe more so, our culture does the shaping if we let it. The generation who has children who's lives have been shaped by the 60's, a time of major social changes, has seen unprecedented changes. For the young person, the music was a powerful influence. The Viet Nam war era lended itself in bringing about a generation that was rebellious at every turn and their "make love not war" mantra, along with resisting "the establishment", vyed for young minds. You put a bunch of 13 - 17 year olds together in school for 7 hours a day for half a year for 6 years, you are going to have a powerful group emerging with the energy to be a powerful force.

Add to that the feminist movement, you've got a nuclear weapon.

I do not like to hear an adult child lash out at their mother or father. By now, I expect the adult child has lived long enough, or had a few children of his or her own, that the maturing process very naturally takes place. Eyes are opened to what life is all about and the realization sets in that their parents were not so stupid after all. Usually this happens in the mid twenties or thereabouts when the adult chlld is on their own. It's normal for teenagers to be self centered, selfish, rebellious, etc. since they are growing up and the transition can be difficult. Yet, that should be outgrown as time goes on. If the demands are still there well into adulthood, then something isn't right.

Now, we can go in many different directions as we lead our lives.. what we will use as our compass. And just like there may be a handful of ways to tackle a building's foundation, there are many ways to lay the foundation of our lives. There are tried and true principles that are used in a building's foundation that are not varied much since it is extremely important that the foundation is sure and solid. Same with our lives. What kind of foundation do we lay?

The "culture" has been alive and well since the beginning of time; Sodom and Gomorrah, Rome, etc. And to the degree that we allow our culture to shape our lives, that is to the degree that we "may" have wandered from tried and true principles of a firm foundation. And like Jesus said, the man who builds his house on sand, when the storm comes, the house will fall.

We all weather storms. That's one thing that rich and poor, young and old, famous or unknown.. all have in common. None of the categories matter when you are in the storm. 'Cuz even the rich's money will someday run out, the young still grow weary, the famous cannot use their fame to carry them through. Only one thing matters: the foundation.

The feminist movement was and is huge. At it's worse, it is vicious. And to the degree that a woman has allowed herself to be influenced by it, that is the degree of viciousness. And a huge part of the viciousness is I see men cowering in the corner, fearful of "the woman scorned", giving into her every whim.

See, there are some things that are lesser on the scale of how it will hurt one personally or in a larger sense, a society. Feminism has caused an upheaval of great proportions affecting the backbone of society: the family. A mother working outside the home; away from the home for 40 hours a week.. is going to have a negative impact on the family and society. It has to. But the culture formed and shaped the woman as television became a huge part of our lives. Women who were watching the talk shows and buying the women's magazines and listening to how she deserves a break and I Am Woman Hear Me Roar and Harper Valley PTA traded their power for raising a family for a career.

This was also the self-esteem movement. Suddenly, people everywhere were finding out that they had low self-esteem and the "professionals" started blaming our parents. And this.. THIS.. is one thing that I cannot stand. It is a weak and feeble attempt for someone to pass the blame onto someone else instead of growing up, owning up, and being a man or woman. UNLESS A CHILD HAS BEEN LOCKED IN A ROOM, TORTURED, OR SEXUALLY MOLESTED OR RAPED BY THEIR MOTHER OR FATHER, THEN NO ADULT CHILD HAS ANY BUSINESS BLAMING A MOTHER OR FATHER FOR ANYTHING !!!! And if an adult child can forgive of these crimes against him or her, how much more can one forgive so much less?

Can you tell how strongly I feel about this??

It is the adult child's responsibility to grow up. And the self-help books, the therapists, the NONSENSE that has caused people to live a life of licking their wounds and throwing up any and every problem they have in their parents faces should GROW UP.

The 60's on upward has produced generations of whiney, bratty, selfish adults. I cannot imagine what these adults would be like if they were on the Mayflower crossing the Atlantic with their parents... or walking along side a covered wagon heading West after burying baby brother or Mom along the way... the list goes on.

How dare a parent be mocked, swore at, told to shut up, and more? Nine times out of ten it's not because the parent did something so horribly wrong.. and even then, there are those of us who have forgiven and not held it against them. It's because of the adult child's choices. Period. And God has given us all the ability to learn, understand, and apply wisdom to our lives. We have a choice to choose what kind of foundation we lay and which path we will take on our journey. We have a choice to be wise or foolish.

God says to honor your father and mother. This doesn't mean there isn't discussion about situations that have occurred that have brought pain to a parent or child. Yet, oftentimes, some things do not get resolved and one has to know how to move on. God sees all things and one day He will wipe away our tears the Bible says. But for now, you can talk to God about it all and He is the one who brings comfort and healing to our souls.

The first commandment with promise: that it will be well with you. That tells me that this is big stuff and what we have treated lightly has much more power than we know.

babies.

2010-08-25T13:44:00.003-04:00

Have you seen this?

If not, you have got to. It's a wonderful depiction of following 4 babies from San Francisco, Africa, Mongolia, and Japan; newborn to 1 year. Outside of a few words spoken by the mother, the movie is essentially nothing but watching the babies grow in their environments.

The movie helps put much into perspective. One being, there's more than one way to do something, ie; raising a child. The mothers in the film had the task of nurturing their children. The intended goal is practical in the sense of feeding, teaching, cleaning and nurturing; pretty much meeting their every need. To survive in the world they will live in, our job is to prepare them.

We want our children to be well and in order for that to happen we give them tools. The old adage is true- you can give a man a fish and it will last a day, but teaching him how to fish will last a lifetime.

That's what moms do.

I happen to believe a lot is already in a mom. Poor or wealthy, the U.S. or Africa, we've got the goods. Yet, beyond the practical basics of mothering listed above, we also help our children to choose good and right paths; tools in which to lead their lives. There's a lot vying for our attention that says: go this way. We have to determine what is good and right. Letting the culture or schools or Dr. Phil raise our kids is giving away what has been given to you.

What is the target you are aiming at? If it has merit, you will get up every morning with it in sight and have the energy it requires. If it is simply to get through this mom stuff so your child can be 18 and out on his or her own so you can have time for yourself, your days are going to be drudgery. You will not want to face each day.

The target has to be bigger than you.

Let's back up a bit. It seems redundant at times when you think of the generations over the centuries that are born, live, and die. What's the purpose? Well, there is much we do not understand about life. But what we do know is that life is both difficult and wonderful. And if we move away for a moment from the basics of life and death, there's a whole lot in-between that is quite fascinating. There are heroes, whether known or unknown, that have given up something for the benefit of the next generation in line.

Mankind is wired for progression and advancement. There is something almost sacred in us that understands this and how we must not only progress and advance, but keep the next generation in our mind. We are capable of sacrifice in order to carry this out.

For example, if it weren't for those who gave up their lives to create and protect our freedoms in America, where would we be today? And still, there are those who continue on in that vein since there must be a watching and maintaining of something so precious.

Your children are precious. They are a gift. And while we do not know what they will become as adults, we do know that we have a window of time to teach them what is good and what is right. Qualites such as courage, honesty, humility, kindness, productivity, self-control, generosity and more... all place the interests of others over their own. There has to be an understanding that the world does not revolve around them, that they are part of a whole and their contributions, good or bad, effect the whole. The target becomes this: others.

These and other qualities are found in the Bible. They are tried and true principles that not only are effective, but the reward is the good feeling inside when doing good and right. Based on faith in God, realizing God helps us, we will become healthy families that become healthy societies.

But first, you must have your own target. Because you cannot give what you do not have. If you live your life with you as the primary focus, believing "you deserve a break", you will find yourself never really happy with being a mom. Whether it is glaringly obvious with your attention being consumed with your friends, shopping, home decorating, television, computer time, etc or more subtle with frequent sighing, complaining, or resentment, the results are the same. Far more is waiting for you when you place yourself in the position of servant which means you are not the focus. When one sacrifices, lays down their life for the benefit of another, there is strength and joy to be found. Sounds like an oxymoron, but it works.

Honest!

take aim.

2010-08-18T10:34:00.000-04:00

You have to have a reason to get up in the morning.

There is a scripture in the Bible that states, "Without a vision the people perish". In other words, you have to be heading somewhere ... aiming at something. If your days are just muddled with little routine or organization, with everyone just doing their own thing, it is going to be chaos.

Moms have a very difficult job. We set the tone. We guide and direct. Oftentimes we end up getting the flack for being so "bossy". Tough stuff. I've gone to sleep crying and so will you if you haven't already.

Life is difficult. I think when we face that fact we will be more equipped to handle what comes along. This is not a hopeless statement. It is reality. And for the Christian mom who takes God at face-value, she will learn to be courageous, gaining her strength from the One who watches over it all.

Now that we've got that out of the way, you've got to know why you are doing what you are doing. It's not enough for most of us to go through the days if we don't have a purpose. And this we will talk about at more length the next time I write.

Until then, keep up the good work. God has chosen you to be a mother and it's not an accident!

teach your children well.

2010-08-15T21:11:00.002-04:00

I just returned from my first visit to our nation's capitol and I was struck by the inscriptions on every building.

On the four corners of the National Archives that is home to the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution these inscriptions can be found:

"Study the Past"

"What is Past is Prologue"

"Eternal Vigilance is the Price of Liberty"

"The Heritage is the Seed That Brings Forth the Harvest of the Future"

These words are as solid as the stone in which they are inscribed. They are foundational to the workings of our society. A society is not going to survive without truth. One can wrap it anything they want but if it's not truth it will not stand.

In raising our children, it is essential that we impart tried and true methods that may be thought as out of date. I don't care how advanced we are in education, medicine, or technology. We can be moving forward at record speed and at the same time be going no where. As sure as the law of gravity, in the end, truth will prevail. It was made to.

Truth has become nebulus in much of our society and it shows. Even in our government, which is should model leadership; honoring and protecting the intentions of the Founders as they deliberated to build the foundation of a new nation, we find not only corruption, but a diluted outcome has evolved from interpretations. I don't think you have to think too hard when you walk through Washington, DC, to figure out what it all means. The place is rich with our heritage and it will be forgotten if we do not impart it to our children in its proper context.

We live in a day when it boils down to truth or a lie. And if we allow the culture to dictate our children's lives, it will. And our culture has cast off restraint and allowed lies to prevail based on personal opinions. Just as a building cannot stand with a faulty foundation, neither will a society, neither will a nation.

There is a quote that reads, "Courage in not the absence of fear". We want our children to be successful. Let them be successful in having the courage to stand up for truth and unashamed to proclaim it whenever necessary. If we do not, the next generation following will have little to stand on.

a dream come true.

2010-08-06T09:04:00.001-04:00

Over the years of homeschooling, I found a love developing for American History. I'm not sure why it didn't appeal to me while I was in school (could it be that my 11th grade American History teacher literally stood outside his door every class talking to the football coach while he had us on an assignment?), but as I think back, English and Art was where my mind was.

Homeschooling allows a more in depth approach to learning and the freedom to take bunny trails with focusing a few weeks on a particular aspect (ie; "Let's read more about Abraham Lincoln."). I found that learning beyond the text book approach, along with learning the true, documented facts of history and not the biased, politically correct approach (often based on a living Constitution which means we rearrange the foundation to fit our current thinking), offers a foundation that is solid and can be built upon. No matter what our kids do in life, I think it's important that they value their heritage (which almost always means someone's sacrifice), but also, they become men and women of good character, not solely thinking of themselves, but the greater whole of society. Reading about men and women who were models of this courage and fortitude will help stabilize society and defy the cultural trends that weaken a nation.

That said, it wasn't long before my dream was to visit Washington, DC.

Two years ago was my first flight since 1979 when my daughter and I visited friends in Florida. We had a connecting flight in DC and we landed at Reagan National, I looked out the window and I saw the Capitol! It was amazing.

Long story short, after 23 years, my two youngest boys and I are leaving on Sunday to go to DC! We will stay with a friend who lives there. What better way to begin school this year?

If you are a mom who doesn't get out much because you are busy serving your family, keep on keeping on. Outside of planned family vacations every 4 years or so, I pretty much didn't do anything else. Now, at 53 years old, a whole new world has recently opened up to me that I didn't know was coming and quite honestly, didn't have my sights on (aka "I can't wait til this is over so I can do something for me). Writing, traveling, and getting some "breathing space" has been feeling very nice!

*edit: I have to clarify that in the last paragraph when I wrote "aka I can't wait til this is over so I can do something for me", please understand that my intention was to say that I didn't think like that.

and baby makes three.

2010-07-23T10:27:00.001-04:00

I'm still here! Enjoying this great, hot summer we're having in the Northeast. Spending time with my kids and letting any projects, cleaning, even cooking...be on the back burner (no pun intended!)

I was thinking this morning.. when that first baby comes life changes drastically. Your life will never be the same. It's demanding but the first smile, the little white tooth poking through, and first steps has a way of making you forget that you haven't slept a full night in awhile. Life is pretty scheduled and soon predictable as you focus solely on that firstborn.

But then the second baby comes along. And you are not going to be able to do with this baby what you were able to do with the firstborn. Life starts to get hectic.

My firstborn was a busy 2 year old when his brother came along. I remember being very frustrated when every time I sat down to nurse (or do anything for that matter), I had to continually stop what I was doing to see what he was getting into and guide and correct him. I no sooner put the framed picture back on the table, telling him "no", and he was off to something else.

It made me angry.

That's because none of us like interruptions. We like smooth sailing with the least resistance possible. And if you are like me... you do better when things are neat and in your control, you will have a harder time of it when baby #2 comes along.

Something has to give.. and it's gotta be you.

Not easy to hear, right? But I find that as we walk through tough stuff and learn to accept what is and decide to be content in it, it makes all the difference. In other words, the "wild stallion will" that was in me broke. It had to.

This was going to be the beginning of many lessons of growing in maturity. The self-centeredness has got to go. You cannot be available 24/7 and live in resentment. You will be miserable and always looking for a way out.

The old "when life gives you lemons make lemonade" is true. It's not easy but it works. It's all about how you look at it.

If you find yourself in that place right now, I promise you it's not going to get better until your outlook changes. Don't wait for things to get better and then you will be happier. It doesn't work that way. You decide right now, today, that you are going to accept what is: hard work. Yet, there is nothing more worth working hard at than passing your values, your legacy, on to your children. Let God smile down on you with His strength to help in time of need. I guarantee that you will see a change once you commit to the decision that you are in this for the long haul.

I am on the homestretch with a 9 year old. When I am "done" I will have been a full-time mom for 38 years and homeschooling for 30 years. Already, opportunities are opening for me that I had no idea would occur. And for me, this is a reward and I'm loving it.

I have to add that it was much easier after babies #3, #4, .... and so on. I believe it was because I accepted the reality of the demands of motherhood and the self-centeredness left.

Stay strong. You can do this!

every child ...

2010-07-15T20:03:00.000-04:00

... should experience a garden.

growing pains.

2010-07-09T11:55:00.002-04:00

There's going to come a day when your little brood is going to want to fly. You need to be ready for it.

Some of my fondest memories are when the "little ducks" lined up behind me as we walked to the library. Or snowy days in a warm, cozy home watching Bambi while cookies are baking in the oven. What mom doesn't cherish those days of all is well?

Get ready. Because you may find that one day it all changes. Think of it like this: driving along on a Sunday afternoon at a steady, sightseeing pace and suddenly the emergency break is yanked on. Like that.

I can only speak from my experience. That's what this blog is all about. Me sharing with you what I have lived and how I've looked at life; the nitty gritty, raw, uncensored parts that are fashioned in such a way to not degrade or embarrass, but to be real.

Can I say this? If you are enjoying a controlled, Little House on the Prairie or Ozzie and Harriet lifestyle with your children it is a wonderful time. I don't criticize this. Yet, life has a way of changing without asking our permission.

In some churches of the Christian faith, in lieu of infant baptism a baby may be dedicated to God. It is done with the intent that God, who watches over things, may use this life for His will. It is a serious acknowledgement of gratitude for the gift of a child and the desire for God's guidance in raising him or her faithfully, using the Bible as a guide.

That said, the key word is dedicate:

1. To set apart for a deity or for religious purposes; consecrate.

2. To set apart for a special use.

3. To commit to a particular course of thought or action.

Pretty cut and dry. And so moms set out to cross every "t" and dot every "i" in the task of raising their children. We may not do it all the same way, but we do it with pretty much the same goals in mind.

Yet, there will come a time when you will wonder what happened to Johnny? He used to be so .. this or that.

Johnny is growing up. Johnny is forming his own opinions about life that you may not have taught or modeled. Johnny may go in a direction that you hadn't planned. And you have to be ready.

I think there is a fine line between maturing and rebelling. We can't automatically assume that Johnny's behavior is a rebellion that needs to be controlled. It isn't easy finding that fine line, but find it you will. And the transition is brutal.

You're going to feel wobbly as you take this new path with your kids. They are growing up. You have to let them.

I remember a few of my "firsts". Like the time I came home and my 18 year olds son announced he bought a car on Ebay (before it became popular to purchase cars this way).

WHAT?!

Or another time a son brought home "Mike's Hard Lemonade" that is 5% alcohol. Neither me or his father ever purchased beer or wine or anything of the sort mostly because a) we never cared about it; b) Christians avoided something that could potentially carry with it problems

Those are glaring examples but there were more subtle ones, too. Like a mild swear word or opinions about politics that were very different than mine or oh my gosh staying up past midnight.

I had to learn to listen and loosen my grip. I had to learn to not only accept but expect that my kids are not me. They are individuals created by God and I have a part in raising them. Because my Christian faith is important to me and highly valued, I always pointed them to God. And you hope it sticks. And you pray it sticks.

It may not. At least for a time. I mean in the end, because of my faith I believe they come full circle since their are promises to be found in the scripture. But getting from Point A to Point B may be rocky and even shocking.

I want moms to be successful. And part of that isn't found always in the good results of well-behaved children that give you the good feeling when hearing, "My, you've done a wonderful job!" It may be that you are successful in enduring the hardships and successful in loving your child through his growing and maturity. You can be assured that those bed rock values and principles are in there somewhere.

And you may find that you were the one who grew up.

: )

Independence Day

2010-07-04T07:00:00.008-04:00

Current events have always been important to me. I have been purposeful in having frequent discussions with my kids in order to nurture care and responsibility regarding their country. I am not overly patriotic, yet, I value America and believe in raising kids to be respectful, responsible citizens. I want them to be thankful for the men who labored over our country's beginnings and those who continued to uphold the founding documents which are currently being assaulted and undermined today.

There are many distractions for our kids. It used to be lots of lessons... swimming, sports, music. Now we have video games, computer, and cell phones to contend with. Moms must be purposeful in managing their kids' time and not forget to include worthwhile pursuits such as discussions of our nation's history and current events.

Happy Independence Day!

sometimes, less is best.

2010-06-28T07:00:00.001-04:00

This week all my kids are home along with their spouses. That makes 11 of us. Plus a couple of extra people who are like part of our family.

It's times like this when I wish I had a couple of extra rooms decorated the way I'd like them, a nice big kitchen with lots of cupboard and counter space, and at least one more bathroom. Reality is that there are mattresses on the floor, a small kitchen area, and only one bathroom. Throw in scheduled showers and laundry because of a well problem and it spells potential disaster or at the very least, less than desirable accomadations.

Yet, it is what it is and we are a family despite it all.

And nothing beats a spot by the river for fishing, a new patio with lovely flowers and plants, a swimming pool, and love.

simple is as simple does.

2010-06-21T08:00:00.000-04:00

This may sound simplistic.. because it is.

A toaster makes toast. Not much else it can do. In fact, that's all it can do unless you count frozen waffles or pop tarts.

Women are designed for bearing children. Not all women will marry or have children. Understood.

Yet, if you are a woman and you have a child, you are a mom and you are designed like the toaster. Not to make toast.. (well, that, too!) but to give yourself wholly to motherhood.

This may not set well with today's mothers who have other worthwhile endeavors to pursue. We are great multi-taskers and can handle many responsibilities simultaneously. I find this to be a wonderful advantage and how I use it will determine my effectiveness and success.

Will I burn the toast?

Not if your God-given mother's heart will be shaped to grow as it is intended. We have the capacity for this growth and also have been given the freedom to choose if that growth will occur. I was very surprised at the ease in which I cared for my firstborn, not having been around babies all my life. There are instincts that are "in there". Amazing! But then, by night # 2 after coming home from the hospital and being up most of the night with a crying baby, I had my first lesson in "growing".

Moms have the hardware installed. We are wired to manage our homes. The hardrive truly has unlimited capacity. We are driven by love and yet, that love will take form and mature in they days ahead because there are no limits of opportunities for rebooting.

You just have to make the choice to do it. The rest will follow.

We live in a day of so many, many distractions. Let's face it. We can easily spend 2 hours on Facebook. There isn't a need to get all our work done so we can watch our favorite program at night because we can DVR it and watch it anytime. Meanwhile, the baby is still in her wet diaper and the kids are on round 4 of watching cartoons and oh my it's 4:30 already and what will we have for dinner?

Or what about working moms? There are many reasons for a mom to work outside the home. I won't address them except to ask: do you really have to? I imagine much of the guilt that comes with mothers being away from home 40 hrs a week is because their heart is to be home. Toasters don't do well when used to make coffee.

We have to accept the fact that our life is not our own. We are wired even for this mindset. There is an ability within you to step back and serve your family unreservedly and when you choose this, you will find your capacity to accept becomes a deep well that is never wanting for strength. This is called growth.

What we give will come back to us. Will we always see wonderful results? No. Not everything is perfect in this world. Yet, there will be wonderful results. It may come in the form of a chubby fist holding a bouquet of dandelions or a son graduating college or a lopsided home-made birthday cake or your married daughter understanding your sacrifices.

Don't give up. We see good and we see bad. We laugh and we cry. There's plenty in your life to laugh about. Decide now to enjoy the goodness of God...and to accept all the mom stuff.

a picture is worth 1,000 words...

2010-06-16T07:00:00.002-04:00

Feeding the Young painted in 1850 by Jean Francois Millet

all walks of life.

2010-06-14T07:00:00.002-04:00

I am fully aware that I am writing from an American, white, middle class perspective. I grew up in a Jersey suburb and landed in rural Upstate New York at age 16. I live in a 100 some year old farm house that still needs work. One bathroom suited us with 8 children, along with a kitchen that did not look like the Dugger's.

That said, I am limited in my experience and understanding regarding moms who live in poverty, who are single, live in war-torn countries, have terminally ill or special needs children... you get my gist. And never, ever do I wish to presume that I know what you are going through.

I do know, however, what it is like to have a child die. I lost my oldest son to suicide nearly 5 years ago. I know what it's like to feel all the breath leaving your body, to see the effects of an invisible tornado sweep through my home, scattering everything in its path, leaving my remaining 7 children stunned. I know what it's like to want to just die so I couldn't feel the incredible pain.

We come from all walks of life. We all have our stories. Yet, because of my faith I know that God never leaves me or forsakes me. So much pain in life. But so much the more God's comfort. And He promises that one day He will wipe away every tear. There will be no more sorrow or death.

That speaks to me of a caring God who is not unaffected by our pain and difficulties. Why doesn't He stop it then? you ask.

He will. Just not right now.

One thing I am certain of, no matter who you are - rich or poor, strong or weak, married or single, surrounded with support or alone - you have within you the goods to be a mom. Let God help you.

pure joy.

2010-06-09T08:21:00.002-04:00

Friends of ours just became grandparents for the first time.

I can't speak to the sheer joy of being a grandparent (yet), but I was tickled by seeing the faces of the new Grandpa and Grandma. Their only son and his wife, who had not intended on having any children, were surprised to find out that a baby was indeed on the way. A little boy came into the world this week, bringing unspeakable joy to the new dad and mom.

Children are a gift from God the Bible tells us. Sure they are work. Everything in life is. But the joy far outweighs the work.

These two new parents had decided not to have children. Yet, now they are parents and are glowing!

There are things in life that we avoid for whatever reason..only to find out that it's the very thing that completes our life.

Don't fall into the trap of not wanting to bring a child into this world with all its turmoil. Babies have been born throughout the centuries in far worse situations and people have continued on despite. Don't miss the joy!

time passages.

2010-06-07T07:00:00.002-04:00

Today I walked down to the river frontage on our property with my 8 1/2 year old. It was a misty rain and in the 60's. I carried a block of wood and his fishing pole. He carried his BB gun and some kindling.

We spent a good 45 minutes nurturing the camp-fire trying to get it going. It finally took off. He cast his pole a few times alternately with hunting for frogs. He popped one with his BB gun and brought it to the fire. He cooked it and handed me a frog leg and he took one. Yeah, I had a taste! (I prefer it breaded and deep fried).

It was worth crossing the wet spot in ankle deep water and getting the bottom of my jeans sopping wet.

It was worth the mud oozing into my clogs and between my toes.

It was worth the smoke stinging my eyes as I blew on the barely-there flames and my hair smelling like smoke.

It was worth tasting a bit of frog leg even though it was ... yuck.

Because he is worth it.

Lots of busyness all around us, isn't there? But how wonderful when those moments come along that shuts out the whole world.

Hope you find that kind of time this week. It's the best.

it's summer!

2010-06-01T07:00:00.003-04:00

Well, not til the 21st. (or is it the 20th? can never remember that date).

With that, I will be posting once a week (and perhaps twice when something good hits me) for the summer. Why? Got to work on the book Mom Stuff and my goal is to complete the draft by the end of summer.

Please keep in touch and look for weekly posts slated for Mondays throughout June, July, and August.

You are in my heart moms!

point the way.

2010-05-31T07:00:00.002-04:00

There's a lot of noise out there. Lots that want our kids' attention.

Who will point the way when there are so many paths to take?

I am a Christian. I look to the scripture for what it says it is: a lamp to my feet, a light to my path. Sometimes the Bible is confusing as there are many thoughts about how to interpret. Understood.

Yet, there are some things that are very plain. Work with those things.

Parents have a significant role given by God. While there are wonderful resources available in the form of "professionals" who have credentials, you... you are your child's best counselor, advisor, and teacher. Somehow, moms have a keen sense in these things and it's there for a reason!

Our job is to point the way. It may not be our way. You will find that your older children will and must grow into maturity through making choices that you may not agree with. My goal has not been for my kids (18+) to do what I tell them and distance myself from them in any way, shape, or form because of their decision.

Did the Prodigal Son's father do that? No. He not only allowed his son to decide, but his heart was continually toward him. That's how God is with us. If we display anything less than this to our kids or others, what does that say about us?

In some Christian circles, it is expectant that if we teach a certain way that we should naturally see the desired results. I wish life was that predictable. It isn't.

We keep pointing the way. And in the distance is the cross. That is where we always point them. How they get there or if they get there is not up to us. We present to them... not demand from them... what is worth setting in their sights.

the hand that rocks the cradle.

2010-05-27T13:04:00.006-04:00

We've heard the phrase: "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world". But do you know where it comes from?

William Ross Wallace was the author of The Hand That Rocks the Cradle is the Hand That Rules the World. He was an American poet born in Kentucky in 1819. He practiced law but engaged in literary pursuits as well, writing poems and a national hymn.

I'm telling you now, there is power and strength that women have which is God given. Unfortunately, this power and strength has detoured itself in feminist pursuits. There's some wonderful women out there who are as capable and as intelligent as their male counterparts, yet, I personally believe that this capability and intelligence is mainly to be focused at home. Moms can pursue other endeavors yet her heart should be first at home. Why? Because "the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world".

Let me first say that I know there are exceptions to the rule; single moms, etc. I am specifically speaking to the whole of society where moms are in the workplace and do not necessarily have to be there. Moms who enjoy the sense of accomplishment in their careers. This takes at least 8 hours out of every weekday and in some cases more. Who is raising the kids? The teachers and counselors at public school? Their friends? Their friends' parents? The television? Video games? And isn't it interesting that so many young people are spending precious time trying to figure out who they are and experimenting with anything and everything to figure it out?

Mothers have an ability that no other shoes can fill. I'm not talking about just kissing a boo-boo or being a listening ear. I'm talking about an ability to nurture, discern, wisdom...and an incredible amount of fortitude to manage the physical/mental/emotional demands and adversity. As Proverbs 31 says about the virtuous woman, she watches over the ways of her home.

If we are pursuing our own interests first in the form of a career, job or other interests, we are contributing to the demise of our kids and society. As I've recently written, life can be very adventurous and exciting. But most days it's routine. And that is okay. Because the sun rising and setting is routine. The same birds sing outside my window everyday. The snow comes in December and the tulips bloom in May. Routine is how the world operates. Don't dismiss the routine days of raising children because there isn't any excitement that brings you a feeling of great accomplishment.

It is our responsibility to influence our children. If we don't do it, someone else will influence them. We cannot abdicate this nor can we defer it to another without a fall-out. If your additional income or making strides in the world is priority and the kids secondary (which one takes up most of your time?), the short term result may be personally fulfilling but the next generation will be lacking. Your power, strength, and ability is to be used to raise children for their benefit and who will benefit society. Don't always be looking for grand accomplishments and personal fulfillment. Your grandest will be raising children of strength and fortitude who will bring their contributions into the world and pass them on to their children. Sons and daughters who will not be confused, assured of their roles, having been shaped with God-given power and strength by one who loves and cares for them over any other: mother.

It is a privilege to raise our children. No one is going to oooh and aaah over your kids like you do. No one really cares that your 5th child just got his first tooth or that your 2nd child can play the harmonica. But us parents... we bask in it don't we? When you don't have the time with your kids you miss out on a lot. Because even though there is hard work in raising kids, there's also lots and lots of happiness = privilege.

The poet, William Ross Wallace, surely recognized something valuable in the 1800's which has become a faded memory that is often thought of as old fashioned and irrelevant. It's a lie that we have slowly welcomed.

Want to use your power? Want to live in the oversight that you feel inside? Want to "rule the world"? Give 100% to being a mother.

The Hand that Rocks the Cradle

Blessings on the hand of women!
Angels guard its strength and grace,
In the palace, cottage, hovel,
Oh, no matter where the place;
Would that never storms assailed it,
Rainbows ever gently curled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Infancy's the tender fountain,
Power may with beauty flow,
Mother's first to guide the streamlets,
From them souls unresting grow—
Grow on for the good or evil,
Sunshine streamed or evil hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Woman, how divine your mission
Here upon our natal sod!
Keep, oh, keep the young heart open
Always to the breath of God!
All true trophies of the ages
Are from mother-love impearled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Blessings on the hand of women!
Fathers, sons, and daughters cry,
And the sacred song is mingled
With the worship in the sky—
Mingles where no tempest darkens,
Rainbows evermore are hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

William Ross Wallace

why do we do what we do?

2010-05-26T07:00:00.001-04:00

Because it's in there, that's why. Some may have more than others but we all have it. Moms are created with the capacity to nurture. And without thinking about it, much comes naturally.

Sometimes I think we over analyze in our Oprah and Dr Phil society. Lots of information out there and some worthy to take a look at. But mothers have been around a long time without these things and I don't think they suffered for it.

There's a lot of simple things we do in life that do not require a degree or at the very least, a class, or book (except mine : ). Don't get me wrong. These things have their place. But you have within you the skills to be a mom.

Here's an example. Last week I was driving to Rochester and on the way, I noticed some Amish boys playing with a plastic soda bottle. They were doing what all boys do, trying to see if a car would hit it. Then of course, there would be shouts of great success! "Such a simple pleasure," I thought. Such things transcend time. Boys, from the beginning of time have delighted in finding things to amuse them.

It's that simple for moms, too. There's so many wonderful contraptions and equipment and "necessities" to assist (and amuse) moms that are not really necessary. If a stick or an empty can can amuse a child, then you may find the simpler the better for you, too.

You gotta learn to shut out all the noise. And that may include endless lessons, activities, and socialization outside the home. Our job is to love our kids and create a home that is welcoming and safe. In my opinion, that is utmost.

We do what we do because no matter what we have or do not have, raising children is work but it's also a blast. Very simply, God designed us to enjoy our children. They are a gift. We want them to be successful in life. And since the family is the backbone to any society, we contribute to the whole by doing our best for them as well as helping to provide a world where they can live.

Seems kinda redundant doesn't it? We have kids and then they have kids and so on. Isn't there more than this? Not really. And when we look for more than that we can find ourselves discontent.

The old line "bloom where you are planted" is true. I promise you, even with the struggles along the way, you've got what it takes!

just do it.

2010-05-24T07:00:00.004-04:00

When life gets to be too much, I just think about life 100 or 200 years ago and get instant perspective. Have you ever thought about moms back in the day?

One day many years ago I was reading Daniel Boone to my kids and it was told in a story form. Something along the lines of Mrs. Boone standing at the door with the kids waving good-bye to Daniel who was leaving with a few other men to blaze the Wilderness Trail. Whether that actually occurred in that manner, we do know that Daniel had a wife and children (eventually, 10 to be exact!) and left his family behind to blaze 200 miles of wilderness.

I am often inspired by the women throughout history who worked way harder than women today. People are people. These women were not capable of handling more in the sense that they had some physical attributes that gave them more fortitude. In fact, the work load was the very thing that gave them the fortitude. It wasn't a time to whimp out in those days. You rolled up your sleeves and you got to work.

And I think deciding and accepting may be half the battle.

Think about the pregnant moms who boarded the Mayflower.

How about the pioneer moms who buried some of their children along the way?

Getting perspective yet?

I know I have and it is what made me stronger once I realized that my "plight" was not so bad after all. These moms were wives who supported their husband's vision of sailing the family across the Atlantic or riding across the country in a covered wagon.

What did they have that maybe we don't have? Vision. A reason why we do what we do.

too be continued...

i'll walk a mile in your shoes.

2010-05-21T07:00:00.004-04:00

I admit it. When I was growing up, I always wanted to be the teacher and play school. Recently, I went into my friend's elementary school where she teaches and I felt like a kid in a toy store! The little chairs and desks, the hallways lined with kid-friendly bulletin boards decorated with book reports and artwork had me ooohing and aaahing.

I also loved playing with dolls and "mothered" the little kids on my block.

So, I quite effortlessly moved into being mother and teacher in my home. Don't get me wrong. I dealt with resentment and selfishness with the best of them being in such demand 24/7 but everybody has their growing pains.

You may not like being a mom. And God knows you don't have one ounce of teacher desire in you. I know about moms who feel this way, but I am not one of them.

I would like to give you an opportunity to comment on this if you're reading today and thinking, "Yup. That's me alright." You may comment anonymously. And please, certainly tell us how you made it through (if you did) and it will be a great encouragement to other moms. I am sure there's a ton of guilt for a mom who isn't actually thrilled with mothering (or the thought of homeschooling), especially if you are in an environment where it is taught or modeled (ie; church, your best friend or sister-in-law). I would imagine it's kind of a secret struggle. And with your permission, I will include your comments in my book, Mom Stuff, in a chapter devoted to this topic.

I know what it's like to not have everything run smoothly in particular areas of my life. Often, with good intentions, those of us who have made our Christian faith a priority, can apply Biblical principles (okay, pat answers) so quickly and not take the time to understand someone's need of patience and encouragement. The saying, "walk a mile in my shoes" applies here.

And in a few days I will offer some of my own thoughts.

busted.

2010-05-19T07:00:00.003-04:00

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. As of late, I have become resentful of the extra work around my home. That is because my dear little ones are not little any longer. They are big and invite their big friends and have bonfires and play board games and stay up til after midnight. When I get up in the morning, I find the collateral damage so to speak and clean up.

I have stated often, "please clean up after yourselves" and for some reason is just doesn't happen (since we have lots of friends this week it is every night). Each morning I would be the first one up and I would sigh.

Until I finally resolved that it isn't going to happen; at least this week. Should it? Yes. But most likely I had this perspective because it happens in other homes. It wasn't happening here no matter how hard I tried.

Once I realized how I was setting myself up for disappointment, resentment, and a whole host of other negative feelings, and how it wasn't likely to change, I decided: "I'm the mom. And I will serve."

Immediately, the negative feelings left as I went about cleaning up.

It's not like the younger kids do not have chores or if I ask, "Please do this" that I don't get help. But my job is still in place and my position is to serve. And serving is truly a wonderful position. It has the ability to cleanse away all of the demands and assumptions and negativity we have.

Tip: your family may not look like another's. We can exchange ideas but if something isn't "working" for you.. toss it.

When the days are long and you feel like no one cares or you are working way too much, know that we are wired to do more than you think. It's our mind that gets in the way and tells us differently. I've never not had the strength to "do more". If you believe God is watching over things, then He is watching over you, too.

See? I'm 52 and I'm still learning..

shaping your children's vision for life.

2010-05-17T06:00:00.001-04:00

I love the title of this post taken from an excerpt of an Elisabeth Elliot quote.

You know, if we are honest, I think we are too smart for our own good. No other time in history have people had so much at their fingertips. In an instant you can get a taco from the nearest fast food place and not even get out of your car or you can find out (as I did recently) how to grill the perfect burger or why my forsythia bush isn't blooming. Little to no effort is needed these days. And it's made us lazy and indifferent.

That said, we tend to look at life in compartments. We are a culture that practically worships knowledge and education and so we think best when we learn through a class or book. If we live out our faith according to the Bible, we can also fall prey to looking at life through the lens of a lesson. "Oh, God is teaching me patience"... we may find ourselves saying.

Well, I don't see life lessons anymore. And I don't teach them to my children. Because God isn't American and He doesn't appeal to our intellect alone. He is shaping us.

In the Bible, God told Jeremiah to go down to the potter's house and watched him shape clay on the wheel. In context, the story was regarding the Israelites and God's determination to do with them as a potter shapes clay.

In the book of Isaiah, the scripture says "does the clay say to the Potter, what are you making?"

So we see another way of thinking. We see shaping. And that is what we are doing as mothers. We are shaping our children's vision for life.

See, everyone has a world view; how we "see" life. And how we are conditioned throughout our childhood and yes, even now as adults, effects how we think, what we say, what we do. And mothers set the tone or provide an environment for that shaping. It's not going to be a perfect home. It's not going to look exactly like someone else's home. It's your home. And you are the right mother for your children and you will know how to shape them for life.

Be confident and be yourself. Books and classes have a place in our lives as we endeavor to learn. But don't disregard what I have come to believe is more important than a lesson learned through a book, class, or even the consequences of an action. It is the heart of the Father who is continually shaping our lives with patience, compassion and lovingly orchestrating our wrong moves with tender guidance.

Be that kind of mom... and shape your children's vision for life.

mom stuff

2010-05-13T10:31:00.005-04:00

The reason this blog came about was because my heart aches for moms (and people in general) who work at doing all they know to do and oftentimes find disappointing results. I wanted to go beyond (read: be realistic) the nicey-nice books on family life and speak to those of us who's reality is not so blissful. I wanted to cut to the chase with setting ourselves up for disappointment. I wanted moms to know that even if things aren't looking so good, keep moving and don't despair. Don't assume that you aren't a good mom because you are dealing with difficulty or disappointment.

Let's face it. We know that life is not perfect. Yet, some of the books out there seem to put it all in a nice package as if you just follow the to-do list or their example, you too can have a great family.

If you have been following me you may have come to realize that my faith is the bedrock of my life. We all have to build on something and what our world view is either flavors or taints everything. Essentially, I have responded to the Bible in such a way that I find it's absolute truth, howbeit unnerving at times, to be worth building on. Just as a house or bridge needs a firm foundation, the scriptures offer a foundation. In my response to the cross, I have taken seriously my faith regarding to how God has "wired us". In other words, I can "right click" all I want on this Apple laptop and it ain't going to work like my Microsoft PC did! And if we would look at the scriptures, which are a "lamp to our feet", we will find that it keeps us in working order, the way that the Creator had intended.

I am not one to throw a scripture at everything. That serves no purpose in my mind than to set people up to return to what the Old Testament could not do. The keeping of the Law is not first and foremost. What is first and foremost is knowing that a God who loves us so dearly, sent His Son to be the rescuer of Mankind from their sin. Our personal response to that is necessary. God loves us and wants us to love Him back... with all our heart, soul, and strength. And the scriptures tell us that He is very present in our lives in ways we cannot understand. All I know is that I for one have felt His comfort during sorrowful times, Him somehow strengthening me when I couldn't go on, His hope when I didn't want to go on, and His guidance in thinking life through.

That said, I have complete confidence in God's leading in an individual's life. He tells us in the Gospels that He knows the number of hairs on our head. That tells me He is very aware of every aspect of our lives. Will you trust Him?

Lots of books and classes and models of how it's done is even within Christian circles. I am thankful for it. We don't have to succumb to current trends and new-fangled ways of parenting (only to find the turn-over is something like 4.5 years until someone comes along with a "better" way). Yet, we must also be careful not to follow Christian trends, either. We are not immune to this. People are people.

We also cannot and should not recreate life in the 50's as if that somehow offers a more Godly life. True, it was a more righteous world, but trying to bring your child(ren) up in that atmosphere could be very isolating in my opinion. Then again, if God leads you it's none of my business!

We must be relevant. And since life today offers a buffet of ways to do things, even in our churches, we have to keep close as possible to the essence of the scriptures, but the practical application may look different between individuals and families. And that is okay.

Don't model yourself after another mom. Don't try to recreate something another family is doing if it doesn't fit. Yes, we can learn from each other but don't be afraid to pave your own way. God is not limited and we certainly cannot box Him in. While we build on His methods, we can be creative. Religion is stifling. God is not. Look outside right now and just see all the wonderful shades of spring green and how many shades of yellow can there be? All announcing that God is real and alive! Do you ever tire of looking up at the billions of stars or gazing at an autumn moon? Or trying to count the number of points on a snowflake to see if there really are six sides? God loves color and shapes and variety. And your children, your family is going to be part of that variety!

Let it happen.

more on being a mother.

2010-05-13T08:00:00.002-04:00

Resist the temptation our world offers on what the "new mother" looks like. I am not promoting long dresses and cooking without electricity. I am promoting the essence of what is clear in God's definition of motherhood. Some would say it's old fashioned. Well, I suppose trying to recreate life in the 50's isn't going to cut it. Yet, there are some foundational principles that are worthy noting.

Don't buy into this "you deserve some time for you". Am I suggesting you don't ever have some restful times? No. I am suggesting that you don't live each day with that lens or you will resent the time and sacrifice that is involved with mothering. Decide now that it is hard work. Arm yourself with that mindset and you will be strengthened. Because whether you know it or not, you are already "wired" for the task. Within is a determination and resolute to do the task you were created for. Remember how you got through the pregnancy, labor and delivery of your child(ren)? Wow! We're quite the ladies, aren't we? Well, that same strength is still in you not only physically, but mentally and emotionally.

The culture would give you every way out to place your need first so you will be ready for the hard work. God has designed us to go to Him for all we need. He will give strength to the weary and grace for your difficult days.

Don't be surprised if you go through some months or years of working this out in your life. That is how we learn it. God isn't up there teaching us hard lessons the way we would compartmentalize our lives. Think of your life as a journey. You delight in the warm summer days that lead to a colorful autumn, but the winter comes and there may be some trodding through snow with the bitter wind on your face. But better days are ahead with the hope of spring and so we continue on.

Learn to bask in the small surprises along the day that make you smile. Even cold, winter days has lots of delightful surprises. But be ready and willing to face times of difficulty and allow God to help you through. Because getting your nails done or a shopping spree has its place and is temporary at best. But if you don't have the money for such things you will learn out of necessity the strength provided. And that is permanent.

on being a mother.

2010-05-12T07:34:00.002-04:00

We have seen many changes these last 50 years and motherhood is one that has taken a huge blow from our culture. Yet, there are principles of living that are not truly affected by time. It may seem so, but a car for instance, will always have the function of taking us from Point A to Point B. The colors, styles, and all the outward appearances may make us oooh and ahhh but under the hood there is still an engine that takes the same gas that cars needed 60 years ago.

Elisabeth Elliot is near 90 years old and lives on the New England coast. She is a model of womanhood and motherhood. Here is an excerpt from one of her writings about her own mother:

Title: My Mother

She was Kath to her close friends, Dearie to my father, and always Mother (never Mom) to her six children. She held us on her lap when we were small and rocked us, sang to us, and told us stories. We begged for the ones about "when you were a little girl."...

Mother's course was finished on February 7, 1987. She was up and dressed as usual in the morning at the Quarryville Presbyterian Home in Pennsylvania, made it to lunch with the help of her walker, lay down afterwards, having remarked rather matter-of-factly to someone that she knew she was dying, and wondered where her husband was. Later in the afternoon cardiac arrest took her, very quietly.

Each of us took a few minutes at the funeral to speak of some aspect of Mother's character. Phil spoke of her consistency and unfailing availability as a mother; of her love for Dad ("He was always my lover," she said). I recalled how she used to mop her eyes at the table, laughing till she cried at some of my father's bizarre descriptions, or even at his oft-told jokes; how she was obedient to the New Testament pattern of godly womanhood, including hospitality.

Dave talked about her unreserved surrender to the Lord... of how, when we lefthome, she followed us not only with prayer but, for forty years with hardly a break, with a weekly letter. Ginny told how Mother's example taught her what it means to be a lady; how to discipline herself, her children, her home. Tom remembered the books she read to us (A.A. Milne,Beatrix Potter, Sir Knight of the Splendid Way, for example), and the songs she sang as she rocked each of us little children ("Safe in the Arms of Jesus," "Go Tell Aunt Nancy"), shaping our vision of life.

The last three years were sorrowful ones for all of us. Arterio-sclerosis had done its work in her mind and she was confused and lonely ("Why hasn't Dad been to see me?" "He's been with the Lord for 23 years, Mother." "Nobody told me!") Still a lady, she tried to be neatly groomed, always offered a chair to those who came. She had not lost her humor, her almost unbeatable skill at Scrabble, her ability to play the piano, sing hymns,and remember her children. But she wanted us to pray that the Lord would let her go Home, so we did.

The funeral ended with the six of us singing "The Strife is O'er," then all family members, including our beloved aunts Alice and Anne Howard, sang "To God Be the Glory." The graveside service closed with the Doxology (the one with Alleluias). We think of her now, loving us with an even greater love, her poor frail mortality left behind, her eyes beholding the King in His beauty. "If you knew what God knows about death," wrote George MacDonald, "you would clap your listless hands."

happy mother's day.

2010-05-09T10:31:00.003-04:00

Perhaps you have received a wonderful breakfast in bed. Or a dinner out. Or even a weekend away. Maybe it was a toothless grin and a fistful of dandelions.

Or perhaps you didn't receive anything.

Mothers everywhere, I honor you today. Your love is beyond any kind of love on this earth. It is sacrificial in ways that others do not understand. God sees the moments of selfless giving. He sees the tears. You may do great things for your kids or you may do seemingly small things. Nothing is unnoticed by God. Nothing.

No matter where you find yourself today -- single mom, lonely mom, happy mom, sad mom, working mom, stay-at-home mom -- you are somebody's mom.

He gives strength to the weary and gives power to the weak.
Isaiah 40

it begins in our home.

2010-05-07T11:41:00.005-04:00

How we treat others begins in the home.

Moms steer the ship. It is a constant, continual, day in and day out job. Don't give up. I don't care what you do but this is one thing that you must keep working at!

No-

Hitting.

Slapping.

Kicking.

Unkind words.

Yelling.

Teasing (like over the top stuff).

Pretty much the way you want to be treated.. that's the way you treat others.

I'm still working at this so you are not alone. This is important. Please don't give up!

Please read.

KID Find

2010-05-05T08:00:00.002-04:00

cutting to the chase.

2010-05-03T09:44:00.008-04:00

Last night we went to Ponderosa for dinner. A couple of tables down was a mom and two girls with grandma and grandpa. The girls were about 6 and 9 years old. I could tell by observing that the mom was disgusted. Her girls were a bit antsy but they were, in my opinion, well behaved. Grandpa was very engaged in conversation with the girls. At one point I heard him discussing the mom's work schedule. And there it was. It wasn't the girls. It was the mom. I could tell she was in the mode of working mom and she was not enjoying her girls. Was it just last night? Perhaps. Everybody has a bad day. But this kind of situation is very telling. And the kids pay for it. Because if mom checks out alot, the kids are going to go in another direction for the instruction and care that they need.

Let me say this. I am not against working mothers. It's not my business. I am saddened with mothers who do not have their child's heart. Whether you work or not, you gotta have your kid's heart. And the way that happens is work on your part. It means resisting cultural trends. In other words, America's Next Top Model does not take precedence over a bedtime routine. Talking with your child is more important than Farmville. Being available when they come home from school is important. Making meals is, too.

Our time can be eaten up with so many distractions that may be our
way to find rest in a stressful world. Yet, if we can work at maintaining some of the tried and true ways of mothering despite life in this fast-paced, busy world we live in, we may find that what we are made for is our rest. And the less you have your child's heart, the more stressful your world is going to be.

There is a window of time you have your child. Believe me. It goes quickly. And since you are with your child more than anyone, you will have the greatest influence. What kind of influence will you be? When you say no to the temptations that draw you away, and decide that you will make the effort to be available for your children, it truly provides a more restful mom and a restful home.

Scenario: It's 8pm and you are getting ready to watch your favorite show. But the 4 year old is slow getting ready for bed. The 8 year old is teasing her and they are going to wake the baby up if they don't stop. There's one of two ways you are going to go. One way is to totally lose your cool because after all, you put in a very hard day (or week) and you need this time to recharge. If you view your life like this then you are going to be a cranky (and resentful) mom. Because soon, you will see more and more the interference that your kids are.

The second choice is to calmly decide that you will not be able to watch your show (and I experienced this before DVR). You simply decided that your life is not your own. You have children you are responsible for. You face it. You accept it.

Now tell me, which scenario is best for having your child's heart? And do you know that when you choose the latter, that you will be rested? That's because when we choose the right way, it works.

When a mom chooses her kids interests over her own, it speaks loud and clear. It's called love. And the real deal will stick. Was I a mom who did everything perfectly right? No. But my kids knew I loved them because love speaks in a way that says, "I'm here. I'm available. You are important to me." You can't fake real love that places the interests of others first. And love covers a multitude of sins.

changes.

2010-04-29T09:00:00.006-04:00

I remember the days of my little family at home all cozy and tucked in our little house. I never tired of the continual demand placed upon me. It was what I was made for and it was a perfect fit. It warms my heart to think of the simplicity of those days. Bundled up, rosy cheek faces, excited with stories of their winter adventure outside, coming in for hot chocolate and a spritz of whipped cream. Or every night baths after summer hikes in a nearby field, soaking off the muddy feet and hands that held slippery frogs. But they are all but gone.

Change. Transition. We all face it at some point in our lives.

It wasn't fun to face the changes. It wasn't easy making the transition. Partly because we have to come face to face with some things in order to adjust. One thing I had to come to terms with was letting go. Not just my kids but my lifestyle. It felt safe.

Family is good. It's God's design and it is meant to be wonderful. Enjoy every minute without reserve! Yet, I realized that much of my contentment came with this lifestyle and when it changed, it revealed where my contentment came from. Not such a bad thing but at the end of the day, our contentment must come in God no matter what the circumstances are. Didn't I dedicate my child to the Lord to do as He wishes? My Christian faith values this. And so, while a mom and dad are the best guidance counselors, there comes a time when our kids embark upon a journey that is their own. Mom's position changes. And so it should.

I dare not cling to them. I cannot interfere with what God's will is for their life. I do not advise as to make my life better. I release them and entrust them to God's guidance.

To everything, there is a season. And when one season ends, another begins!

teach your children well.

2010-04-27T09:00:00.002-04:00

I didn't grow up in a home where we attended church. There was a brief time when my father took us when I was little. I remember one night when he read us a Bible story. It must have been very important to me because I never forgot it.

The Bible story? No. My father reading to me.

I think our kids are wired for that closeness of mother and/or father. The culture we live in can depict otherwise. Even though family is still valued, it's taken some major blows, too, in defining what family is. Whole generations have left much up to the "professionals" and have abdicated not only their authority, but somehow have come to believe that they don't have what it takes to be their child's best influence.

Don't get me wrong. I am not suggesting that parents can't use some help. Yet, we should be careful how far we let "it takes a community to raise a child" mindset to influence us.

The simpleness of a parent taking the time to read to a child makes all the difference. For me, it wasn't regularly or consistent. Yet, that one or two times my father read to us and how it made me feel then and how it makes me feel today makes me take the time with my 8 year old.

Don't underestimate your God-given authority, influence, and wisdom for your own child. Be teachable and learn from others but the buck stops with you!

mom stuff - the book.

2010-04-26T08:00:00.004-04:00

I am in the process of writing the book, Mom Stuff. My goal is to complete the manuscript by the end of this summer and then proceed with step #2: submitting it for publication and hopefully receiving an acceptance letter.

From time to time I will post snippets from my book:

"Our world is fast-paced and complicated with lots of bells and whistles. We check our Facebook while our cell phones uploads a new ringtone as the microwave defrosts chicken for dinner while our nails are drying. There are lots of opportunities and distractions in our 21^st centrury lives but one thing remains: moms are shelters and anchors that keeps the family from blowing off course. And if perchance that happens, she has the ability within to get everyone back to familiar waters".

bull head fishing.

2010-04-23T09:00:00.005-04:00

"Mom, can you take me fishing?"

"No."

"Mom. You can watch the sunset."

"There is no sun!"

"Well, you can take pictures and have a nice time and you can cast with my pole."

(Hmm. Is this the part when I say, "Goody, goody! I can take pictures and you will let me fish with your pole?")

"Ask Dad."

"Dad said no. He has to get his license plates."

"License. He needs a fishing license."

"I don't quite understand why you can't bring us."

"Will talk about it tomorrow."

When in doubt, moms can always fall back on "tomorrow"!

still on the vine.

2010-04-22T09:58:00.002-04:00

Our kids aren't perfect. Sometimes, I think we expect them to be. Especially those of us who are followers of Christ and the Bible is our guide. We have an understanding of how to raise our children since the scripture has much to say about parenting.

Yet, I think we can look for results too soon. There's nothing more wonderful than to have our homes working like a well-oiled machine, with everyone doing what they are supposed to be doing. Input - output. Chores done, schoolwork done, bed made, teeth brushed... until a monkey wrench is thrown in the whole production with a chore done poorly, cheating in schoolwork, a messy bedroom, and teeth forgotten for about 3 days.

Now we know that such things will happen but yet we react very differently, don't we! I wish I had a nickel for everytime I've said, "How many times have I told you...." I figured with all my instructing that certainly it would "stick" and because we are a Christian family, child "B" would certainly get that all that I have taught him should be carried out quickly and efficiently!

Hmm. Are we trying to have them take ownership of their heart apart from the Lord? How can a 6 year old care about responsibility the way a 17 year old? Or a 50 year old?

In other words, are we looking for the "fruit" of our investment too soon?

Think of how patient God is with us. When I look back and think about some of the doozies of choices I've made, I can't believe that God didn't ditch me. But that's not how God is. That's how we are. One, two, three strikes and you're out!

Somewhere along the line I readjusted myself. Because I found that a tender heart toward my children (and everyone else in the world) is the way to go. Isn't God's heart tender?

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those that fear Him. - Psalm 103:13

Our hearts should always reflect the Lord's heart toward humanity. If you are true to your faith, you will see that this is at the core of who we are. If we want others to know of the wonderful benefits of knowing God, we must be expressions of that to our children and to the world.

And so, compassion, patience, mercy... will be developed within your own heart as you learn right along with your kids. If you let it.

look what they've done to my song, ma.

2010-04-18T18:31:00.002-04:00

When a mother loses her child, it feels like a piece of her heart has been torn away. It never fully recovers.

Why should we wonder at this? Someone who has a physical injury often feels pain for the rest of their lives. While it lessens in intensity, it's often an area of weakness or is tender to the touch. The pain of death is not so visible, yet, it's there. We would never think of telling someone to run a mile if they limped because of a previous injury, no matter how old it was. But expectations are often placed upon those who's injury is in their heart.

We smile to make others feel comfortable.

We continue to live because we must.

Always aware of our wounded heart...

in the midst of the smiling and continuing.

Am I going to tell you God makes it all go away? No. I will not tell you that because to do so would be a lie. God would have to remove your child from your memory. Time eases the intensity of sorrow. One day...then the next day...then the next. Life goes on and we live it. Thinking of other's pain in knowing what happened to us takes precedence over ourselves. No one should hurt this badly. Not even the onlookers.

There are no pat answers here. No simple words of encouragement. Will you tell an amputee to get up and walk?

Tragedy cannot be tempered. Sorrow has no solution. Comfort is found in trusting. And smiling will come once again.

It is not wrong to see the scar.

It is not wrong to remember.

Faith isn't ignoring the pain.

It's saying it exists.

And still faces tomorrow.

va-cay

2010-04-13T15:14:00.001-04:00

My friend asked me to come to Florida with her to visit dear friends of ours.

She didn't need to coax me.

And that's what you get to do when you are on the homestretch of doing the mom thing. A week of a writing retreat, helping with gardening, swimming in the indoor pool, eating wonderful ribs and home-made pie.

Being a mom 24/7 is great. But so is a week away!

I got a rock.

2010-04-09T07:51:00.006-04:00

Do you remember "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown"? Charlie Brown and all his friends would go to each house and trick or treat. Each one peeked into their sack telling what they got. Poor Charlie Brown would say, "I got a rock."

Is that how you feel? Never mind Little House on the Prairie, your life seemed to turn out like Charlie Brown's Halloween disappointment. Maybe you are divorced. Maybe your little (or big) family isn't doing so well. Maybe you are embarrassed or afraid.

Does it feel like you missed out in what you hoped your family would look like? Do you have some personal disappointments no one knows about? Does it feel sometimes like "I got a rock?"

People make their observations and you may feel judged. Don't. God isn't like that. And the only thing that matters is that God is good no matter how many struggles we face. There is a day coming when He promises to wipe away every tear. You can take comfort in that.

Whatever you have gone through, whatever you are going through, be sure that God knows all about it. Why didn't He stop it then? Why did it turn out like this? I don't know. All I know is that things happen in our lives and every one has their story. You can be sure that if your story is very painful, God is keeping close watch on you.

There's lots of challenges, disappointments and difficulties that brings stress and heartache. If your family has fallen apart, God knows all about it. If you are disappointed in some things that did not turn out the way you had planned, God knows all about that, too.

But what now? you ask. You make the best of it. See, all around you are wonderful opportunities to be discovered and experienced. This morning I heard a bird cheerfully singing outside my window and felt the warm sun through the window. I'm 53 years old and I still smile with such things. They speak to us of hope and newness. It's God's daily love note to the world.

Be thankful for what you do have and enjoy the good parts of life. Often, God uses some of our situations to show the world that He can do wonderful things. He shapes us through the disappointments that come and always surprises us with something wonderful that we weren't expecting. In other words, God gets it that life on earth is difficult.

The last chapter of your life has yet to be written. You might as well enjoy it until it is.

Take heart. Carry on.

KID Find

2010-04-08T09:57:00.005-04:00

THIS is a wonderful book for the 2 - 6 yr old crowd!

little house on the busy suburban street.

2010-04-07T12:11:00.003-04:00

When I started having children, the Little House on the Prairie life was appealing. I mean, we lived on a dairy farm with 50 holsteins and a maple syrup operation. At age 16 my father decided to move from suburban New Jersey and plop us all on a farm. I say "plop" because I hated it. In a few short months I acclimated well (out of necessity - being the sink or swim kinda gal I am!) and at age 20 I married someone I swore I would never marry: a farmer.

Kids and farms go together. I feel very fortunate to have been able to raise my kids here. Yet, in my desire to live a simple life without many distractions and with a "live off the land" kind of thinking, I could have found my fulfillment in a lifestyle.

I had a garden and I canned and I hung my cloth diapers outside and I did a lot of things that made me feel pioneer-ish. None of that is wrong but if we're not careful we can make our lifestyle a kind of idol if you know what I mean. In other words, I had adjusted quite nicely with my little brood under my watchful eye. It was very fulfilling to see them come in from being outside playing or working with Dad and to have them sit down to a home-cooked meal with pickles I canned and home-made bread. But what if that is not your life?

Let me get this straight. I am not saying your lifestyle cannot be fulfilling. I am saying that trying hard at creating something may be worth not over-analyzing ... but perhaps a second look.

I think somehow I thought it was more Godly to do all those things I was doing.

There is a desire for us to return to tried and true methods. This is good. Yet, the return should always be what the roles are in a family. Respect, honor, integrity, responsibility, kindness... all kinds of good stuff. Maybe God doesn't care if you make your own bread. I mean, if trying to fit that in makes you an irritable mom then it isn't worth it.

No matter who you are or where you live, your family will not look like someone else's. More importantly, you as a mom won't look like another mom. Don't compare. And don't assume that others are judging you. Both are a complete waste of time because it is very likely that neither is happening!

Just get on with it and be who you were meant to be so your kids will be who they were meant to be.

KID Find

2010-04-05T11:12:00.004-04:00

Got boys?

don't worry, be happy.

2010-04-03T08:37:00.010-04:00

Remember that catchy tune? There's truth to it. As a rule, children don't worry. That's because we're worrying for them! Seriously, they rest in mom or dad taking care of them.

What if something happens? you ask. Worrying about it isn't going to help. When you have utmost trust in your Heavenly Father, you know that whatever does or does not happen, He's watching over you and your family.

Yet, trust cannot be learned in a book or even through you reading this. The truth of it settles in your heart and mind because it is truth if you believe in God. We're wired for certain things to make the "connection". Sorta like when I plugged my camera in my laptop port and ... success! Our hearts and minds are like that laptop port and when a word like "God's truth" gets plugged in, we connect.

Sometimes the connection may take some time to be fully realized in it's fullness. Like my pictures took more time to load on the laptop than the desktop. The process of trusting is acquired through your daily life. You may not realize it, but all of the details of your life,(yup, the toddler with the fever and the flat tire and the bounced check) are worked out somehow for your good. God sees the inconveniences and the mistakes we make and is so loving that He works it out for our good.

Trusting is one of those things. As our earthly relationships take time so will our relationship with God. As you go through the difficulties and challenges of life, you will soon find you are trusting God as you see Him work all the hard stuff out. And the best trust comes when you've blown it...and it was bad...and God comes along and makes it right for you. That is when you realize how much He loves you.

Worry consumes. Even when you are not aware of it, its program is always running in the background. When worry lessens you live happier. You are not weighed down with the "what ifs". Because you have settled it that whatever happens or does not happen in your life - you will trust God.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will direct your paths.

to be or not to be a homeschooling mom...that is the question.

2010-03-31T08:58:00.005-04:00

I am not going to tell you to homeschool your kids. I've been at it for 23 years. I wouldn't change a thing.

The reason I homeschool is because when an opportunity is presented, I take that into great consideration since I believe God leads and guides me. My church truly pioneered something in the mid-eighties that was practically unheard of. We had educators in our congregation who had the knowledge and expertise to launch such an endeavor. I appreciated their desire to build a relationship with the school districts through respecting their authority and at the same time, establishing our own courage and fortitude to live with our convictions.

Secondly, Deuteronomy 11:

So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of Mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that as long as the sky remains above the earth, you and your children may flourish in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors.

It was these scriptures that inspired me. It speaks of a lifestyle that homeschooling would have provided. I had the privilege of having my children home with me. I would be the influence in their lives. I wouldn't have to compete with 7 hours of public education influence that did not speak of the Lord in any way, shape or form.

I had always been one not to make a public school family feel uncomfortable by their choice. I think it is wrong to involve ourselves with the decisions of a father or mother. We accomplish nothing by judging another's decision. Unity should be guarded at all cost.

Homeschooling is a huge undertaking. Yet, it's interesting to me how naturally a mother can teach her children. We teach our children from the time they are born. Education isn't beyond our ability. It is true that we live in a different world than 200 years ago but the resources available today make it attainable.

And no one is going to care more about your child than you.

A mom is willing to give some of her slower learners the time they need, recognize their learning style, and the endless opportunities of teaching the value of work and loving your neighbor!

And yes, there have been the days of complete frustration (them and me), tears, yelling (how many times do I have to tell you?). But then there are the days when they read their first word or they recite the states and capitals or make a model of the solar system.

I've taught school while laying on the couch with morning sickness, I've had years when we finished our books and years when we didn't. There have been times of vacations that brought us to Fort Sumter and Jamestown, and years when we couldn't go further than our back yard (but there's lots of interesting things lurking in the backyard, too!)

Don't be afraid of homeschool. You are your kid's best teacher whether you know it or not. There is much more than academics in the development of a child. Relationship is key. And if you decide to send them to public school, God is with them there, too.

understanding umbrellas.

2010-03-29T09:58:00.009-04:00

It's raining today. Moments ago, I was at the kitchen sink washing dishes. My 8 year old offered to take our Cocker Spaniel out to relieve himself. It was then that I saw the umbrella.

I don't know what it is with kids and umbrellas. Actually, I do. They are interesting to watch as you push that little button and presto! And maybe it's because we don't use them like people used to. Maybe people in metropolitan areas do and it's just us rural folks who are used to running quickly to the mailbox without the need of an umbrella, but I've noted over the years that my kids are fascinated by them.

I had purchased one of those fold-up kinds and had it in the vehicle because I had discovered there were times when I didn't enjoy walking through the pouring rain with a newborn in tow when going into the local grocery store. It was used minimally, yet, from time to time I would find someone playing with it or "needing" it. And then of course I would say, "Do not play with the umbrella" or "Haven't I told you not to play with the umbrella?"

I watched as he walked the dog across the backyard, hoping he would avoid the muddy parts (he didn't so I quickly got the gate up to keep the dog in the kitchen). The navy blue umbrella ('cuz the red one had broken just as I knew would happen) was remembered and retrieved from the Jeep and held stoically as if he was play acting some movie he saw.

Generally speaking, I believe I am a fun mom. Granted, I've had my days and even weeks of not being so fun. But comparing my kids' life to my own, theirs is like Disney World (okay, the local playground). But define fun. Well, I did finger painting with shaving cream on my kitchen table with them, went to the expense and mess of making gingerbread houses, let them splash in puddles, and let them jump on the bed. From time to time onlookers would say, "So and so is in the puddle", and I would say, "So?" It's fun!

So #8 has the umbrella. The forbidden activity that is right up there with a bouncing or spinning basketballs in the house, or monotone whistling. I don't care about those Fisher Price popper toys. The tune of Mario Brothers and Zelda video games are still in the repertoire of music filed in my head. I've listened to piano and drum practice and even some electric guitar. But there are some things that you just can't overcome no matter what. Is that allowed?

There's a difference in my mind of being stretched through allowing some things that I do not enjoy and also being firm about certain other things. When you have a few kids your little world is going to get messed up. You have to pick your battles so to speak. If you give in to some things it's not because they are in charge. You can still be quite in charge, ie; playing hide and seek in the house but, "stay out of the closets!!"

Finally, it goes without saying (like it or not older children) that the younger ones will and do get away with more. Moms get tired and we learn what is really important and what is not.Sorry.

But see, #8 will dutifully put the umbrella away. And that makes all the difference!

pretzels.

2010-03-27T10:29:00.003-04:00

Dear Kids,

While I appreciate the fact that you are eating pretzels since it is a healthy snack choice, and I appreciate that you enjoy dipping said pretzels in mustard since mustard is a dirt cheap condiment, I do not like all of the plates I am finding in the sink with remnants of mustard and uneaten pretzels crumbs.

I suppose I should consider purchasing the mustard kind of pretzels but I am too cheap to spend the outrageous price and besides, you would just dip them in mustard anyway.

I hope that you consider licking your plate clean -or- wash your dish.

Oh yeah, I could buy paper plates couldn't I?

Love, Mom

you've come a long way baby...

2010-03-26T10:40:00.001-04:00

I'm sitting here in a quiet room with the sun wonderfully pouring into the windows.

Pinch me. I must be dreaming. I'm alone.And all I hear are birds chirpping.

Take a gal that likes quiet moments over noise, order over disorder, and give her 8 kids (thank God not all at once!) and ... well ... you either run away or roll up your sleeves and dig in.

My 3 children are at "Friday School", which is a program for homeschoolers in the area. It was established by my church around 1985 or so. Here the kids have P.E., Apologetics, Music/Choir, and Art. We've put on full musicals such as Fiddler on the Roof and Seussical. I taught art classes to the K-6th graders for 10 years. I kinda retired last year because of a new season I found myself in.

A door was wonderfully opened for me to take an online Writing for Children class a year ago and now I find myself working at writing 2 children's books and one adult. I've connected/networked with a few authors and groups, along with doing my "homework" in learning as much as I can along the way. Thing is, I wasn't looking for time for myself, nor was I looking for something new to do. It just happened. The Lord knew what was in there. I didn't. Or at least I forgot how much I liked to write back in the day. He remembered.

Which brings me to my point. I had my first child almost 30 years ago. I've been a mom for a long time; longer than I've been alive now! (although, I've always "mothered" the kids on my block growing up, along with my brother, and anyone else's kids that came along ; ) And I am one of those moms who love being a mom. (You may love your kids but not exactly love being a mom most days. I get that. But that's for another post).

Whether you absolutely love being a mom or not, you will eventually find yourself where I am today. I have served my family all these years and did not have any outside "hobbies" so to speak. It was a full-time job, along with living on a dairy farm (until 1993), a small family operated maple syrup business, and helping with several areas in my church. Life had my undivided attention.

There will be a time when you find you are reaching the end of full-time mothering and managing a home. It will never completely end since new situations happen with adult children getting married, going to college, and working. But the demands of doing all the little children stuff comes to an end.

Some days, I find myself taking a deep breath (in a good way). Kinda like when you've finished a huge project at the end of the day.

There is something more in store for you at the end of the road. It's okay if you're looking for it. I wasn't, but that doesn't mean anything. Just be encouraged today to keep on keepin' on. They are growing and you are growing, too! And soon you will look back a few times throughout the years and see how far you've come.

You're doing good. Even if you yelled at the kids today.

KID find.

2010-03-25T07:14:00.001-04:00

This is a keeper.

for you.

2010-03-24T12:43:00.006-04:00

Today, my thoughts are on the unspoken needs and desires of the mother. For hidden within her heart are disappointments, her dreams, and her sacrifices. It is here that she may find her strength wanes. It is here that she comes to know God.

Women are emotional. It is that from which the sensitivity and compassion and nurturing comes from. She does not tire of giving of herself over and over again. She is able to nurse a baby, give a spelling test, direct a child in his chore, and wipe a runny nose...all at the same time. She is a mother bear in the truest sense in protecting what is hers at all cost. She finds the best deals and will go to 5 different stores to get them. She makes sure her children drink their juice and know God and choose reading over television. She instructs her children all day long since opportunities abound in how to live rightly in relationships and not be afraid of hard work. She knows how to deny herself and give to her family.

As she lays her head upon the pillow at night, she prays. She wonders if her hard work will bring the results she hopes for...knowing that perhaps it may not be known in this lifetime...and so she learns to trust. She carries her concerns to God and learns of His safe keeping...that she is not in this alone...and so she learns He is faithful.

Tears fill her eyes as she considers, lastly, her unspoken disappointments, dreams, and sacrifices. She doesn't even voice them since her life is not her own. And so she learns that He knows. And He sees.

"Be persuaded, timid soul," writes Archbishop Fenelon, in his Spiritual Letters To Women, "that He has loved you too much to cease loving you."

say what?

2010-03-23T09:07:00.001-04:00

I had to pry myself out of bed this morning. Really! The gray sky and pounding rain just didn't look very inviting.

Came downstairs and made the coffee. In a few minutes I heard little feet pounding down the stairs. He's a chatterbox. More so than any of his siblings. He starts talking as soon as he gets up.

This morning, despite not enjoying more grayness and dampness, I managed a "Good Morning" and even forced myself to say, "Want some eggs this morning?" What was I thinking?! Who wants...on top of everything else...to make breakfast? I mean, you actually want me to cook?? Oh, wait. It was my idea.

The next one to emerge is my 14 year old son who is less chatty but I say "Good Morning" even tho I don't want to say it since it's not a good morning.

See how it works? You do what you don't feel like doing. It's just the right thing. Doesn't seem fair, does it? Why does it have to always be me?

It just is so get over it and start your mornings with a nice tone and it will help the day go better. If nothing else, it gets you off to a good start since just as complaining can make us spiral down in a bad mood, pleasant words can lift us up.

And I will work on being a bit more nicer at night when one of mine asks me a question after 8pm!

if mama ain't happy...

2010-03-22T10:06:00.007-04:00

...nobody's happy. So the saying goes. You know what? There's truth in it.

I learned pretty quickly that my mood affected how the day was going to go. In other words, moms set the tone in the home. Did you know that? I don't know why that is but it is.

I'm a pretty optimistic person by nature. I'm also a morning person. When I wake up I'm almost always in a good mood and I have tons of energy. I am also a good manager and I like accomplishment. I homeschool, so this is a good mix. I'm up first and set the tone. Essentially that means the house is going to be peaceful and welcoming when the kids get up if I've got things ready for the day. They need routine and guidance and feel safest when that is in place. Even the teenagers.

After doing some picking up from the night before (since I'm upstairs usually at 8pm - I am not a night owl - and God only knows what happens downstairs after I go to bed!) I prepare the day for everyone to have a clean table for breakfast and get my little guy's books set up with his devotional book first. I can't be watching a morning show or on the phone or checking out Facebook and let them navigate through the morning. I have to set aside my wants and needs for them.

In other words, we create an atmosphere for success. If we find ourselves nagging, that sets a tone. If we give them a good morning and/or comment about something interesting to them (like today- "Hey Joel, guess what? I saw 2 bluebirds this morning!"), that sets a tone, too. Either one can set the course for how the day will go.

This doesn't mean everything runs smoothly here. It doesn't. But at least I have a "track" to stay on so when I get off of it, or the kids get off of it, I can get us all back on.

You may not be optimistic. You may not be a morning person. You may be miserable in the morning. Yet, I am certain you have areas of strength and success that I do not have. That means, what you are good at, I have to work at. So don't despair!

We are all doing what we can do. No one has it all together. We are given a measure of material and tools and what we do is be faithful in what we have been given. Not that we can't learn and obtain more tools, but we are who we are and God knows that. Not only that, but he accepts it.

If you're a night owl and not an energetic morning person, it's okay to do laundry or other chores at night. If you're a grumpy morning person, give yourself at least a half hour before the kids get up in order to pull it together. Just like I have to pull it together at night sometimes when I'm called upon.

If you homeschool, who says you have to start at 8am? While I'm not suggesting that you and the kids sleep late everyday, but if sleeping til 9 sounds good and getting up at 7 is not going to happen, why not shoot for 8 with school starting at 8:30?

Don't fall into the trap of trying to be a carbon copy of another mom. You are who you are and while we can learn from others, learn to "delete" and "trash" anything that you know in your gut isn't for you or your family. You will be frustrated if you keep going against the flow of who you are.

This isn't to say that we cannot change some things about ourselves. For instance, I had to learn to speak calmly into situations. It's easy to raise your voice in order to make a point. Especially when two kids are arguing back and forth. This brings peace into the situation in order for everyone to take a breath and regroup. See? I've yelled at my kids, too. I've also slammed doors and I've thrown a thing or two.

Remember: God made you who you are. Never, never second guess yourself. You are the right mother for your children. We are all learning and growing together, yet, you must be convinced based on God's acceptance of you...for you to accept you. This has to come into place in order for you to become a strong woman. You may have had hurtful words spoken to you by your own mother or father, maybe even your husband. You may have felt rejected, inferior, disqualified. This is not the truth about you. We live in a fallen world and things happen to us that hurt. Yet, in time, as you learn how valued you are by God and other people in your life, you will in turn be able to care for your children the way you would like to.

Be yourself. God likes you. So do I.

two's a crowd.

2010-03-18T08:45:00.004-04:00

I'll never forget how I felt when I had my second baby. His older brother was 22 months old and a very active toddler. Every time I sat down to nurse, my first born was into something. Shall we say that experience with baby #2 was not as wonderful as baby #1?!

Partly the reason was because let's face it, being a mom isn't always easy. But many factors have to be considered in how you do when the next baby comes along. Things like your personality, tolerance level, how well you do with little sleep, if you have boys or girls, or if you have help those first few days.

My point is: baby #2 did me in. Numbers 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 was a smooth sailing transition! This is not to say that baby # 2 was a demanding baby, or that baby # 1 typified the "terrible two's". It was me. I had to adjust. It wasn't fun. At all.

That's because:

a) I needed sleep. I liked sleep. I did not like my sleeping to be interrupted. Okay, I got used to nightly feedings with baby #1 but I got to sleep during the day when he did. After baby #2, I couldn't because my 2 year old was up and running!

b) I didn't like my house messy. I like order. And things... were getting messed up. I had to teach my toddler we don't throw the toys, we don't eat the toys, we don't dump the toys, we pick up the toys, (not to mention that I would set up the "Little People" this way and not that way) and at the same time take care of a baby...all the while trying to watch my morning show! How does one do this?

Simple. Something has got to go. And it isn't going to be the kids.

The reality is while a mom is going through these daily routines, it is painful! Can you see my perfectionism just screaming all over the place? I'm the gal who used to have difficulty sitting down to watch a movie if everything wasn't neat and orderly in the living room. Everything had to have a place and then I felt good. Now while I wasn't extreme about it, like paranoid to the point of being loopy, I had tendencies that was either going to demand from my kids or demand from me. And because I loved my kids dearly, I picked "me".

Kids are resilient. They really are. And if you are a perfectionist mom, a simple "I'm sorry" is all that's needed. Even a toddler understands them. Those two powerful words will melt your heart when spoken. It softens the face and calms the soul. Because you are not perfect and if you keep trying to be you will be frustrated and irritable. Learn to accept yourself the way you are. God doesn't demand from you. Other people often do and it creates this bar that you just can't ever reach. You're not supposed to reach it.

You are loved just the way you are. The more you realize that, the more you will be able to love your kids (and others) just the way they are. You are going to have some "bad" days. But if you find that every day seems to be a bad day because just under the surface is this nagging frustration and irritability, something is not right. Tell God about it. But know that He uses the very thing that irritates us to set us free. As we walk out our days together as mothers, we allow the difficulties to shape us.

In time, I had to just let go of some things. So, I had to spend a couple of days getting up 3 times while nursing to deal with the toddler. Creativity sets in during these times! Not only did I realize that I could get up and walk while nursing, but I learned to sit the toddler down with a book or some other activity during nursing.

You can cry out "God, help me!" fifty times a day, or dump on your husband as soon as he comes in the door, or, you can allow the tender pressing upon your soul to shape you and make you a woman of strength. You can read a book, attend a class, or talk with friends. But there is nothing like the growth that occurs when taking those daily doses of medicine and watching the freedom that comes from it. Freedom from yourself.

Now, I boast of standing at the stove stirring the soup while nursing a baby, talking on the phone, and giving a spelling test, all at the same time!

Let the freedom come to enjoy being a mother. It will, if you let it.

there's more than one way...

2010-03-17T13:55:00.000-04:00

who says you have to do school sitting at a desk?

love yourself.

2010-03-16T17:28:00.004-04:00

I wish I could make it better for you. I really do. I wish I could just tell you how it is and you would understand and then all would be well. But it doesn't work that way.

We all come from different experiences. We all have different ways in which we process our experiences, partly based upon our personality. What crushes one person may roll off the back with another.

Without dwelling too much on the past it goes without saying that once and awhile our thoughts take us there, don't they? And we find that there may be some awful stuff that happened which caused us sorrow and heartache. And these experiences really define who we are and who we become.

I am a Christian. What that means is that the full impact of Christ sacrificing His life for me that I may be reconciled with God made sense. God Himself breached the chasm between Himself and sinful humanity. One would not have had to die if there was no reason to die. And the severity of sin required a severe remedy. And so, I turned my eyes heavenward to receive for myself the gift of salvation and was rescued from the penalty of sin. This puts a new slant on things.

The first thing you learn is how very much God loves you. But when you've had experiences in your life that have not felt like there is a God let alone a God that loves you, God gets that. He knows everything about you. This may seem just like words to you now. But in time, you will see how God gently reveals throughout the years how very much He loves you. Did I say years? Yes. Settle it now that God is not in a hurry with most things.

The greatest thing is being loved. And knowing that God loves you no matter what is the most wonderful understanding in the world. Isn't it strange that I didn't really know that God loved me until my son died 4 1/2 years ago? That's because I had to walk alone with a broken heart and no one could help me. Yet, I can't explain it, but I knew God was with me. There's nothing like going to sleep and feeling great comfort and peace from "somewhere" when you're hurting so badly. That's God.

You are not likely to understand God's love for you from reading a book or hearing someone tell you. You may recite it hundreds of times and it just doesn't get "in there". You don't have to do any of those things. Just live your life each day, doing the routine things that moms do, and you will find God's love popping up all over the place when you least expect it. Treasure those times because He's saying to you, "I love you".

Sadly, others do not love unconditionally (as we often do not) and that is our reference point for love. We place too much emphasis on doing instead of being which often brings with it qualification or disqualification. God qualifies who others disqualify. Read the Bible. He was always going after those that no one would have thought.

God loved you before you even knew there was a God. He loves you still. No matter what you have done or not done, no matter what you will do or not do, He always loves you. Just like you love your children. Only better.

love your children.

2010-03-15T13:33:00.004-04:00

I'll never forget the day. I think it was 1999. I had 7 children at the time. I had 6 in home school.

I had gone upstairs and opened the door to the boys bedroom. They were all teenagers. The room was a mess. I stood in the middle of the room and cried.

I was one of those moms who went above and beyond the call of duty. My personality is precise, conscientious, responsible, dependable, detailed oriented. By this time, much of my perfectionist tendencies had been worked out of me so it wasn't that everything had to be perfect. I just had spent so much time, as soon as they could walk, teaching them to place their boots here, hang their coat up there, and put their clean clothes in their drawers. I never wanted to see clothes all over the floor. I thought there was no reason for that. I didn't put their clothes away. They had their own little baskets to put away their clean laundry in organized drawers. I had faithfully worked at this supposing that my training would accomplish the results I had worked towards. And that was a neat home, but children who were responsible and as conscientious as Your's Truly.

And here I stood, looking around at the three beds, with clothes everywhere. It was that day that I learned to close the door. So from then on, every time I walked by their bedroom, I closed the door so I couldn't see it. You might say that I lost a battle. Perhaps. But I like to think that I actually won since if you don't fight, there is no battle to be had.

You see, when they are all little it so much easier to manage your home just the way you like it. For the most part, little kids (like under 10) can be very compliant. And you realize that they are just that..."in training"...so you keep instructing. Until they get around 12-13 and you think that surely by now you will see the fruit of your training!

In some areas, yes. In some areas, no. This is because they are your kids, but they are also just another created human being that has to find their way in relationship to God. They may comply with their chores or their scripture memorization or whatever it is you have them doing. But then the time comes, perhaps it is a kind of accountability age, where they must make wise choices. It's a transitioning time for mom and child as we learn to loosen the reigns a bit.

For me, this was an area that I felt was not worth fighting about. Some people do not care about the mess around them and do quite well in life. While I spent time teaching order and neatness, (ie; guiding them in the right direction through imparting values and good character), some things are not to be won, you count your losses, pick up your marbles and go home. In light of eternity, it wasn't a biggie.

Isn't God like that? Do we have to have everything in order? Do everything just right? No. He loves us and guides us but understands our weakness and pities us. The disciples greatly disappointed Jesus when they fell asleep in Gethsemane when He needed them most. He asked them to watch and pray. They fell asleep. Yet, He did not disown them.

That's not to say that I allow a basketball to be bounced in my house. I'm still the boss! Just pick your battles because the tone of the house is set by mom and if we're barking orders all day, it doesn't make it a very warm and welcoming home.

You do your part. God does His. Because now, I have 4 adult children who are wonderfully responsible. One is still a little messy. Ha ha. But he may end up being the wealthiest and can hire a maid!

KID find

2010-03-12T20:17:00.004-05:00

This is a fun book!

Nice for long car rides, rainy days, or rest time.

My 8 year old loves it.

take heart.

2010-03-12T13:11:00.003-05:00

If you are homeschooling your children, the day will come when it suddenly occurs to you that you are educating your children. You know it, but you don't know it fully until you get a couple of kids in grade 7 and up. And you ask yourself, "what am I doing?" Especially if you have boys. It's a competitive world out there and we all want our kids to be successful.

First off, define success. Be honest. Isn't it great to tell everyone that your kid is going to med school over being a manager of a fast food restaurant? You know it is. That's only because of the culture we live in and what we've been exposed to. Let's face it. We've got some humility to work on.

Secondly, the Israelites needed constant reminders and so do we. Fifteen years into homeschooling and I was still questioning myself. That's because almost daily, faith and reality meet in our lives. If we "see" it, we don't need faith. The buck does not stop with us. It stops with God. We forget that. We really do. And when our lives are continually built upon this truth, we will be more rested. We won't put unreasonable demands upon our husbands, our kids, or ourselves.

Unless the Lord builds the house,

its builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early

and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat—

for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Sons are a heritage from the Lord,

children a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior

are sons born in one’s youth.

Blessed is the man

whose quiver is full of them.

They will not be put to shame

when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127

Are you "toiling for food to eat"? Are you toiling about lots of things?

The Lord builds the house. This means that He is with you. This means He is building your children. You're just helping Him. And He will help you. Promise.

great gain.

2010-03-11T09:31:00.004-05:00

There was a time in my life when I looked around and was miserable because I didn't have some of the wonderful things "in place" that I wished for and/or needed. A mom wants to give good things to her children and if you look around at what others have you may be disappointed. .

About 17 years ago, we had just sold our dairy. It was the first big hurdle for our family to go through. We were devastated to have to do so, yet, lots of family farms were going out of business. This brought about a period of lack in our lives. I couldn't buy pretty dresses for my little girl and many other little girls at church had pretty dresses, so I sewed. I couldn't buy matching comforters for my boys' bedroom, but they did have blankets. I raised 8 children with one bathroom while I listened to other moms talk about how horrid it was to clean 2 bathrooms. I am not into self-pity, in fact, I abhor it. But it did hurt to feel like I wasn't good enough, I didn't deserve it, or even worse, God didn't want to give me nice things.

Yet, if you are a Christian, you know that God loves you and is with you continually. You may not feel it, but you know it to be true. And if you truly believe that, you will settle in during the difficult parts of life and let God be God. You do not have to trust if you can see it, otherwise, it wouldn't be trust. In time, trusting brings contentment. Contentment is not something that is changed by circumstances. It's a steady, restful mind in the midst of chaos. And nothing you feel or go through is too small in God's eyes. If it hurts you, He gets it.

During this time in my life, I decided to begin my very first unit study in our homeschool. I will never forget the morning I read to my 3 boys, ages 7 - 11, an excerpt about the Civil War, with tears streaming down my face. The light went on. And whenever I find myself with a difficult outlook on life, I think about history and the true lack people endured.

There's a difference between wanting a new dining room set (after all, I do want to practice hospitality and that's good, right?) and having $40 to buy groceries for a family of 8. But you can be hospitable with a home-made table and metal folding chairs. And you don't starve with bread, milk, and eggs.

Does this mean you can't ask God for stuff? No. Ask, ask, and ask some more. In fact, some of my most wonderful moments has been when God completely surprised me with something. He's like that.

Whatever you are going through, God knows all about it. There are seasons in life that come and go.

My daughter soon had lots of pretty dresses. And my boys soon had nice comforters. I still have one bathroom. But we made it!